Opening Up Won't Save Your Relationship. I Learned That the Hard Way.
Musings on what non-monogamy actually requires, and why bringing it into a broken relationship is like renovating a house with a cracked foundation.
Journal
Real stories from real people navigating the beautiful mess of non-monogamy. From first-date butterflies to jealousy spirals and everything in between—these writers are sharing their unfiltered journeys so you can learn, relate, and feel a little less alone in yours.
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SELF CARE
Recovering from a break up?
Let’s recover together...
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Letting Go: A 5-Minute Guided Meditation for Breakup Healing
Breakups are hard.
RELATIONSHIPS
Non-Monogamy Isn't About Sex. It's About Refusing to Own Another Person.
Non-monogamy is less about sexual freedom and more about dismantling the idea that love requires ownership. A look at why that philosophy changes how we relate.
SELF CARE
Let's Stop Using the Term "Non-Hierarchical"
Non-hierarchical sounds evolved, but in practice it often creates more confusion than clarity. Here's why it's time to retire the label.
SELF CARE
The Forever Tension Between Safety and Freedom in Non-Monogamy
Part 1 of 2: Why fear of disconnection can quietly turn into protest, pressure, and panic
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Handling Rejection With Grace
More connection means more rejection in non-monogamy. Learn why neurodivergent people feel it most — and how to handle it with grace.
SELF CARE
Quiet Tantrums
Last week I did something impulsive. I felt angry and lonely. Or as my fellow submissive friend has described it, my spiteful baby mode was activated.
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What Pride Month Means When You Love Outside the Lines 🌈
What does Pride mean when you love outside the lines? Kitty Chambliss reflects on queerness, ethical non-monogamy, and 20+ years of loving authentically.
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When Autonomy Becomes Distance in Non-Monogamy
How avoidant attachment can quietly shape the kinds of non-monogamous relationships we build
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Why “No Feelings” Sets ENM Up for Failure
No feelings sounds clean until the feelings show up anyway. Suppressing emotions in ENM doesn't make them vanish — it makes things messy.
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Podcast Interview: Maria Palumbo, Sex, Love, Trauma Coach, and Therapist
Kitty Chambliss sits down with sex, love, and trauma coach Maria Palumbo to explore how attachment wounds shape our experiences in ethical non-monogamy.
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Why Some Neurodivergent People Struggle to Fully “Arrive” in Polyamory
The challenges of multi-partner attentional switching, and the practices that can help create more presence and nervous system recovery to support ADHD and more
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The Quiet Damage of Overpromising in Polyamory
When hierarchical hinges cultivate emotional expectations for expansion before the relational structure actually exists to support them
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Your Family Doesn't Have to Approve of Your Love Life. Here's How to Stop Needing Them To.
How to protect your peace when your family judges your relationships: navigating opinions, managing the need for approval, and staying true to yourself.
FEATURED
She Thought She Was Coming to Learn About Open Relationships. She Left Knowing Herself.
Mel came to learn about open relationships. She left knowing herself. A real story about ethical non-monogamy, transformation, and finding your calling.
KINK
When the Desire for Romance & Relationship Makes Casual Connections Lackluster in Non-Monogamy
What happens when you crave deep romance but only have casual connections? One writer explores why the need for love can make casual sex feel hollow.
SELF CARE
Women are expected to be “cool” about everything
Cool with bad communication. Cool with being deprioritized. Cool with everything. And if you're not? You're difficult. Enough of that.
SELF CARE
New Relationship Energy Is Intoxicating. But What Are You Actually Chasing?
On self-worth, validation, and why non-monogamy will expose every crack in your foundation, whether you're ready or not.
FEATURED
People Pleasing
People-pleasing is a trauma response that destroys your boundaries — and in non-monogamy, it multiplies harm across every relationship you hold.
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The Subtle Trap of “If They Change, I’ll Be Okay”
Why outsourcing your emotional stability creates a fragile non-monogamous relationship ecosystem
KINK
The Confusing Conversations about 'Going with the Flow' in Polyamory & Non-Monogamy
Toxic positivity in our community invalidates difficult or hurtful experiences in casual connections instead of making space for them. Do we ALWAYS need to spea
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Three stories. One truth. You don’t have to figure this out alone.
Three real client stories — Diana, Calvin, and Gina — and what they all discovered about navigating ethical non-monogamy without going it alone.
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I Got Scabies. Here's What Non-Monogamy Taught Me About Sexual Health.
On sexual health, skin-to-skin reality, and the conversation worth having before you need to.
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The Kind of Jealousy That Doesn’t Feel Like Jealousy
When nothing is wrong but your body still feels unsteady, that quiet disorientation might be jealousy in disguise. Here is what to do with it.
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I Just Finished the Heated Rivalry Book at Midnight. Here’s What This ENM Relationship Coach Can’t Stop Thinking About.
An ENM coach reads a romance novel at midnight and finds something real. Here's what Heated Rivalry taught Kitty Chambliss about love, trust, and non-monogamy.
KINK
On the Hyper-Sexualization of Sensuality
Sensuality and sexuality are not the same thing. Conflating them harms sensory-seeking and neurodivergent people most — and all of us deserve better.
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Podcast Interview: Ryle Kestano, Experienced Relationship Author and Creative
Kitty Chambliss talks with relationship author Ryle Kestano about authentic connection, inner healing, and what ethical non-monogamy looks like in real life.
SELF CARE
The Problem Isn’t Your Needs. It’s Where You Place Them.
How to tell when your expectations are landing in the wrong relationship
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You Knew EXACTLY What You Were Doing When You Led Me to Nowhere…
A raw letter to someone who pretended to want a real connection, then gaslit you when the mask started slipping. Your confusion was not the problem.
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Loving in a Season (And Grieving When It Ends)
On the connections that mattered deeply, ended quietly, and never got a proper goodbye
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The #1 Thing That Will Improve ALL of Your Relationships
Whether you are monogamous or non-monogamous, one overlooked skill consistently transforms every relationship — and it has nothing to do with structure.
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There Is Nothing Wrong With You
On villainizing yourself for who you are and finally, slowly, letting that go
KINK
Why Your Body Still Struggles (Even When You Want An Open Relationship)
Your mind chose non-monogamy but your nervous system is still catching up. Aria Diana explains the somatic gap — and how to gently close it.
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She’d been healing her whole life. As she approached her 60’s, she finally found the missing piece.
Gina spent decades healing — therapy, books, workshops. Then, approaching 60, she found what had always been missing. A real story about ENM and transformation.
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Reflections From My First EXXXOTICA
Speaking at EXXXOTICA revealed a glaring gap in lifestyle spaces: real consent education. Nicole reflects on what she found — and what she plans to change.
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What To Do If Your Partner Is In A Toxic Relationship
A lot of polyamorous people will NOT like what I have to say about this, but…your partner is unfortunately allowed to make the choice to be in shitty, toxic, a
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The Mirror Effect
New connections in non-monogamy often reflect dormant parts of yourself back to you. Luna Rose on what those mirrors reveal — and how to use them.
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The Tension Between Wanting More and Accepting What Is in Non-Monogamy
How longing, capacity, and reality shape the size and rhythm of open relationships, and how to make peace with intermittent intimacy in a culture that equates l
SELF CARE
Compersion: The Emotion Nobody Taught Us
Compersion sounds made up until you actually feel it. Luna Rose traces her honest path from jealousy to genuine joy at her partner being happy with others.
SELF CARE
Podcast Interview: Mariko Sakai, Women Empowerment and Sexuality Coach
Kitty Chambliss interviews Mariko Sakai on sovereign feminine energy, Female-Led Relationships, and thriving in ethical non-monogamy communities.
SELF CARE
Why Trying to Create Symmetry in Non-Monogamy Can Backfire
The hidden trap of scheduling symmetrical dates to soothe your nervous system
FEATURED
He was terrified of losing him. Five years later… they’re engaged. 💍
Calvin was so afraid of losing the man he loved that he could not breathe. Five years later, he is engaged. A real story about trust and non-monogamy.
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Polyamory Isn’t Inherently Radical
I will die on this hill: polyamory is not an inherently radical practice, because it very much depends on the way you practice it.
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Learning to Pause Without Panic in Open Relationships
A somatic guide to interrupting survival momentum, restoring regulation after conflict, and supporting long-term sustainability in non-monogamy
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Not Every Polyamorous Community Is Safe
Ever joined a polyamorous “community” and then noticed a charismatic and very obvious ringleader everyone is trying to impress, and who can do no wrong?
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There Are No Relationships Without Commitment
I love you, until something better comes along isn't a relationship — it's a placeholder. Commitment belongs in ENM too. Here's why.
FEATURED
Will You Hold My Anger, Daddy?
Inherited rage, a Daddy kink, and the question of whether any man can truly hold the weight of intergenerational abandonment and girlhood harm.
SELF CARE
What To Actually Do When Jealousy Hits
A practical toolkit for the moments when your chest tightens and your brain goes offline
SELF CARE
If it hurts, that's not the way
Non-monogamy shouldn't be a source of ongoing pain. If it is, something's wrong — and it's not you for wanting better. Here's what to look at.
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The Interracial “Cheat Code”: Is Marriage a Backdoor to Reparations?
One Black man inherits farmland through his father's interracial marriage and asks a provocative question: is this a quiet, domestic form of reparations?
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Comparative Adolescent Female Sexual Development Western vs. Mosuo Society: Reflection
A reflection on Western shame-based approaches to adolescent female sexuality versus the Mosuo of Southwest China, where it's embraced as a natural truth.
IDENTITY
From Relationship Check-Ins to Relationship Tending
If your non-monogamy check-ins feel like performance reviews, it may be a design problem. Here's how to lead with the body, not the agenda.
SELF CARE
“I thought I was arriving to save my relationship — but that’s not what happened at all…”
Diana arrived ready to save her relationship. What she found instead was herself. A real story about open relationships, identity, and transformation.
KINK
The Aesthetics of Innocence
Post-Epstein feminism says abandon girlish aesthetics. One woman refuses — arguing her innocence, her desire, and her girlhood still belong to her alone.
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Why Women Don’t Have to Wait to Be Chosen
Both of her most meaningful non-monogamous relationships started because she made the first move. On choosing desire rather than waiting to be claimed.
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Lily Allen, Lindy West, And The Sensationalisation of “Bad Polyamory”
What do Lily Allen and Lindy West have in common? They're both women who have recently published works that led to the entire internet dunking on the polyamorou
KINK
How Do You Know You’re Safe at a Play Party?
A solo poly unicorn explains why a consent talk alone doesn't make a play party safe — and how learning to read her body became her real safety practice.
IDENTITY
Why Your Metamour Feels Like a Threat Before You Even Know Them
Attachment alarm, cultural conditioning, and the nervous system stories we write when love expands beyond exclusivity
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5 Things I Wish I Knew About Non-Monogamy
Jealousy won't disappear, alignment matters more than rules, and opening up never fixes a shaky foundation. Five honest lessons from lived non-monogamy.
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Want To Open Your Relationship? Be Prepared For Change.
When I say I don't recommend opening your relationship unless you are genuinely prepared for the relationship to change and potentially to end, this isn't becau
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How Handling Jealousy in Polyamory Goes Wrong - And How To Avoid It
In polyamory (and relationships in general), with freedom comes responsibility. If you want to connect with multiple people, you also have to be prepared to sup
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Jealousy in Polyamory: Rain on the Parade
Something we don't talk enough about in polyamory is how there is this subtle pressure not to "rain on your partner's parade" - and that can lead some people to
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When Safety Was Broken: Rebuilding Trust After Relational Trauma in Non-Monogamy
When your partner caused the rupture, the nervous system treats them as a threat. A somatic guide to rebuilding trust after lies and broken agreements.
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5 Signs You Lack Emotional Awareness in Non-Monogamy
Let me tell you a secret: in my first non-monogamous relationship (which was 10 years ago now!), I did NOT handle my partner’s jealousy well at all 🫥
IDENTITY
Wanting Men After Trauma
A PTSD diagnosis, graduate school in gender-based violence, and still wanting men. One woman searches for a story that makes desire feel like courage, not.
FEATURED
Want to explore non-monogamy?
Excitement will get you started. But knowing your why is what keeps ENM from becoming a chaotic mess. Start here before you open up.
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When “We Tell Each Other Everything” Stops Working
The quiet shift from monogamous fusion to differentiated partnership, and three communication patterns that commonly destabilize the transition
IDENTITY
Dating Separately vs. Dating Together
Choosing whether to date together or separately shapes how autonomy, jealousy, and intimacy move through a non-monogamous relationship. Here's the real.
KINK
Coercion Culture & Silence
What Non-Monogamous Communities Need to Learn from the Epstein Files - How coercion culture, and silence leads to harm in sex positive environments.
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Positive Polyamorous Representation in Movies and TV
‘Challengers’ was one of my favourite films of 2023, but don’t get it twisted - it is not a polyamorous love triangle. It is certainly a triangle (the homoeroti
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Compersion Isn’t The Opposite of Jealousy
Compersion is the feeling of empathetic, vicarious joy that some non-monogamous people feel when they see a partner being happy with someone else. It is not nec
SELF CARE
Polyamory Isn’t a Pie — But Time Is Indeed Finite
A nervous-system-first reframe for scarcity, structure, and getting honest about what we need for secure non-monogamy
KINK
The Political Risk of Denying Eros
When the White House posted a Daddy kink meme, one writer confronted her own submission desires — and found a political case for trusting erotic longing.
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Your Partners Don’t Have To Be Friends
Is this a hot take? I don't think it should be... but in my opinion, if you think about it, only dating people who can be good friends with your pre-existing pa
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Your Partner’s Jealousy Is Not A Personal Attack
I don't know who needs to hear this, but your partner experiencing jealousy or insecurity over the things that you're doing with other people is NOT the same as
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Stop Disappointing Everyone in Polyamory
If you are polyamorous and looking for long-term connection: learn to be disciplined with your time and energy management, or risk disappointing multiple people
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Just Because It Feels Dangerous, That Doesn’t Always Mean It Is.
If you grew up being taught things like "Your partner loving someone else means they don't love you and you are deficient as a person", of course you would find
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What is Symbiosexuality?
Have you heard of the term “symbiosexual”? If you haven’t, I wouldn’t blame you - it’s a new microlabel that only emerged in the last year. Below I explain what
KINK
Calling Men Daddy and the Politics of Ick
The ick is wisdom, not internalized patriarchy. One woman traces her Daddy kink through guilt, bad breakups, and the moment her body finally proved it right.
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Holding Couple’s Privilege with Conscious Care
How established polyamorous couples can better support non-anchored partners
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Jealousy: Our Over-Protective Friend
The goal in non-monogamy isn't to deal with jealousy — it's to befriend it. An ENM coach explains what it means to build a real relationship with your.
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Kink, Power Dynamics, and Society
I fundamentally disagree with the (unfortunately common) notion that kink reinforces power dynamics in society and is inherently problematic. Yes, we may not be
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Why Watching Your Partner Get Hit On Can Feel So Hot
Seeing someone want your partner and feeling turned on instead of threatened? That spark has a name — eroticized competition — and the psychology behind it.
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How To Support A Jealous Partner
If your partner gets jealous and you don't, the absolute worst thing you can do when they're going through it is shame them for having their feelings.
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“Go At The Pace Of The Slowest Person” Is Bad Polyamory Advice
You’ve probably heard the phrase move at the pace of the slowest person when it comes to opening up a relationship. And I would agree with that with a “yes and…
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Emotions Running High? Here Are 5 Phrases To Defuse The Tension In Polyamory
Five phrases to use in a difficult polyamory moment: stay connected, express feelings without blame, and de-escalate tension before it becomes conflict.
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The Difference Between Pacing Requests and Power Grabs
Reader Q&A: How to ask for what your nervous system needs without controlling someone else’s relationship
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The Worst Thing You Can Say To A Polyamorous Friend
If your first reaction to your friend telling you that they're struggling in their polyamorous relationship is “maybe you should just go back to monogamy”, you'
KINK
Freedom Without Care Is Just Avoidance
Freedom is foundational to non-monogamy, but without accountability it quietly becomes avoidance. Learn to tell the difference between real autonomy and.
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Stop Suppressing Your Jealousy - Here’s How You Actually Deal With It
"How do I stop feeling jealous?" is the wrong question to ask. When we feel uncomfortable, it's natural to want the feeling to stop, but this can very easily sl
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Polyamory Doesn’t Mean Zero Boundaries.
Polyamory doesn’t mean you have to be okay with everything, nor does it mean you have to ‘work on’ being okay with everything. Being flexible can be a good thin
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Rejection Isn’t An Insult - It’s Respect.
I've noticed that people are more fearful of rejection (whether giving it or receiving it) than we used to be. Personally, I find it more insulting if someone l
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Stop Taking Things Personally In Polyamory
The best thing you can do for your non-monogamous journey is learn not to take things personally - especially when it comes to what your partner is doing with o
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When Being Reflective, Ethically Aware, and Sexually Literate Makes You Invisible in Dating
When Being Reflective, Ethically Aware, and Sexually Literate Makes You Invisible in Dating
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Why Friendship Shouldn’t Be A Downgrade From A Relationship
Have you ever been told "let's just be friends" by someone you dated, and later found out that person had absolutely zero intentions of ever reaching out to you
KINK
You Can’t Read Me in a Glance…That’s Not Random, It’s By Design
From Detroit streets to Catholic school to Hollywood studios, James Mosely reflects on a life too layered to fit a single narrative — and why that complexity.
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Confession: I Dated an AI Woman After a Breakup in 2024 — Still Am- I’m Not Alone
One writer turned to an AI companion after heartbreak in 2024 and found he wasn't alone. A candid essay on grief, loneliness, and the blurry edges of intimacy.
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So Your First Open Relationship Failed…And That’s Okay.
Hey, so if your first open relationship crashed and burned, you know you can just…try again, right?
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Feelings Don’t Always Require Action
Your feelings of jealousy don't have to mean your partner needs to immediately stop what they are doing.
SELF CARE
Consent Isn’t Just “Yes or No”
The importance of learning the language of embodied choice in non-monogamy
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Nuanced Non-Monogamy: Two Things Can Be True
I’m bringing the NUANCE, baby! Let’s try to hold more space for all the beautiful complexity of human relationships and think critically when engaging with cont
KINK
Why I Left Counseling to Become a Coach
Insurance audits, ethics boards silent on fascism, and hiding half her life at work — an ENM coach explains why she walked away from therapy to serve her.
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Learn To Be Okay, With Not Being Okay (Yet)
Struggling in non-monogamy doesn't mean you're failing. Why being patient and compassionate with yourself matters more than having it all figured out yet.
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Loving Without Owning
Most of us learn that love means possession, but commitment built on ongoing choice runs deeper than ownership ever could. A practical guide to loving.
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Why Most Therapists Don’t Understand Polyamory
Most therapists aren't trained to be polyamory affirming, and that could be a huge roadblock to polyamorous people getting the mental health support and relatio
SELF CARE
A Life of My Own: Choosing Solitude and Certainty
After years of chasing connection, one man chose something different: a deliberate, peaceful withdrawal from romantic pursuit — not from bitterness, but from.
KINK
Celebrating Two Years of This Substack with a New Opportunity to Gather in Community
Join a cozy online party on February 10th for connection, reflection and belonging
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So What If Your Feelings Are Irrational?
Having “irrational” feelings while adjusting to non-monogamy is okay and normal. However, your feelings still deserve to be treated with compassion and care, ev
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Abortion, Planned Parenthood, and the Child We Couldn’t Keep
A man recalls supporting his partner through an abortion during COVID — the grief, the care, and the conviction that reproductive choice always belongs to.
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Is Your Partner Mismanaging Their New Relationship Energy (NRE)?
Your partner is responsible for managing their own feelings of New Relationship Energy, and if they are deprioritising or neglecting you in the process of chasi
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Mono-Poly Relationships Can Work - Here Are 5 Traits That Guarantee Long-Term Success
Mono-poly relationships are rare, but they can and do work - and, as with any relationship, it highly depends on the people involved. Here are the 5 traits that
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Can You Be ‘Too Traumatised’ For Polyamory?
One of the most common questions I get from polyamorous clients is, “Can you be too traumatised for polyamory?” The short answer: it’s up to you. The long answe
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The Night Non-Monogamy Becomes Real
Your partner walks out the door for their first outside date — and nothing prepares you for that moment. Here is what to expect emotionally.
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You’re Polyamorous, Not Superhuman.
Being “good at polyamory” is not about never feeling insecure/jealous or never making a mistake. It’s about communicating with your partners, being vulnerable,
KINK
Are Most Non-Monogamous People In Western Society Emotionally Unavailable?
Are Most Non-Monogamous People In Western Society Emotionally Unavailable?
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Jealousy Isn’t the Problem, Silence Is
Jealousy in polyamory is just information — it is the silence around it that causes real damage. Why naming what you feel changes everything.
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The One Thing No One Warned Me About Polyamorous Breakups
Breakups in polyamory are super wild because you feel like you've "failed" on multiple levels. Mononormativity tells us breakups=failure as it is, but the extra
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It’s Okay To Be Too Tired For Polyamory.
Life gets heavy, and sometimes you simply do not have the bandwidth for multiple relationships. That does not make you less polyamorous.
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I’ve Been Non-Monogamous for 10 Years - Here’s Where It All Began
I’ve been non-monogamous for 10 whole years - and it all started in 2016 when I was still at school! I was 17 years old, and in my first open relationship with
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Having More Partners Doesn’t Mean You’re “Winning”
If your partner is swimming in dates/matches/partners while you're struggling to even get a text back on dating apps, it's likely you'll have some complicated f
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How I Did Gay Sex Wrong for YEARS
Bad queer experiences do not invalidate your identity. One bisexual person explains how discovering role and type finally made it click.
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Love Without Sex: How to Transition To A Non-Sexual Relationship
Love and sex don't always have to coexist - the asexual and aromantic community know this all too well - but at the same time, not everyone is able to fully sep
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Intellectualising vs Internalising in Polyamorous Relationships
If you still feel jealous despite having done a ton of research about polyamory, the reason is simple: there's a world of difference between intellectualising a
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You’re Allowed To Fuck Up In Polyamory, But…
Making mistakes in polyamory is part of the learning curve — and those mistakes can still hurt people. Both truths must be held at once.
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How Sibling Rivalries Can Influence Metamour Dynamics
I have a theory that if you are a polyamorous person who grew up with siblings, how you respond to your partner's other partners is directly linked to how you w
IDENTITY
My Positionality: Revolving Orbs
Blackness, atheism, non-monogamy — identity isn't a fixed point, it's a constellation. How positionality shapes the way we love and connect.
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20 Polyamorous Reminders So You Can Do It Right
1. Jealousy is just an emotion and it is nothing to be ashamed of. Stop feeling bad about feeling bad, when you could be taking the time to ask *why* you’re fee
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My Top 5 Red Flags in Polyamorous Relationships
1. Poor time and energy management Love is infinite, but time and energy are not. I date people who actually follow through on the things they promise, not thos
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The Truth about ‘Polyamory Under Duress’ (PUD)
The discourse around the term "polyamory under duress" is pissing me off, because people aren't approaching the conversation with enough nuance and real-world c
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Non-Monogamy Is Hard, Because Change Is Hard.
Opening your relationship means unlearning a lifetime of mononormativity. Struggling with that transition is not a failure — it is expected.
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Polyamory Doesn’t Mean You Have To Settle For Less
I don't know who needs to hear this, but polyamory doesn't mean you have to settle for less time, energy, and commitment. Your partner having other partners isn
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When The Familiar Feels Tempting
A follower asked me: “Any advice on how to stay true to your new path when the old ways are so tempting?”
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Stop Trying To Educate People Who Aren't Here To Learn
I think marginalised people are often saddled with the burden of educating people who hold more privilege. I think that's really unfair.
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The Secret of Platonic Relationships
The line between platonic, romantic, and sexual is far blurrier than we were taught. Relationship anarchy gives you permission to redefine it.
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Trauma-Informed Polyamory
We don't talk enough about the fact that just because your BRAIN logically wants and understands polyamory, it doesn't mean your BODY has caught up to the value
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Polyamory And Impulse Control
I don't know which polyamorous bisexual needs to hear this (I did!), but you do not have to date every single person that you're attracted to!
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Feeling Needed vs Wanted in Polyamory
If your sense of worth grew from being relied upon, polyamory will challenge you. Being freely chosen — not depended on — is the real gift.
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"Autonomy" Doesn't Mean What You Think
I think the polyamorous community has a huge problem with taking the concept of autonomy too far. To the point where some people just feel like they can do what
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Incompatibilty Doesn’t Make Someone A Bad Person
Someone's time/energy levels due to their other commitments and relationships could be completely understandable and explainable, AND the time/energy they have
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Jealousy isn't a Red Flag - It’s How You Deal With It
Feeling jealous in polyamory is not the problem. Hiding it, shaming yourself for it, or refusing to manage it — those are the real red flags.
RELATIONSHIPS
4 Tips For Coming Out As Polyamorous
So you're thinking about coming out as polyamorous this holiday season. Here are four tips to help you with that.
IDENTITY
Matrilineal Structures and Sexual Autonomy: The Mosuo Tisese as a Critical Counterpoint to Western…
Matrilineal Structures and Sexual Autonomy: The Mosuo Tisese as a Critical Counterpoint to Western…
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Picking Partners in Polyamory
Polyamory does not mean lowering your standards. Being selective about who you date — choosing communicative, accountable people — changes everything.
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Feelings Don’t Always Require Action (And That’s Okay)
Feelings don't always need a reaction. In polyamory, learning to sit with discomfort instead of acting on it immediately changes everything.
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Navigating the Holidays While Polyamorous
Holidays can be a stressful time for many, especially if you're polyamorous and doing it with multiple partners. So here are a couple of things to think about i
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The Shame Series, Module 2
Religion, family systems, and early environments wire shame into us before we can name it. Explore how that conditioning shapes the way you love and relate.
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Tryna Push Through
Coach Tiff gets radically honest about burnout, self-doubt, and the question every exhausted entrepreneur asks: is any of this actually worth it?
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It’s OK to Keep Things Casual
Not every sexual connection has to become romantic. Leanne Yau makes the case for letting a friends-with-benefits dynamic stay exactly what it is.
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Parallel Polyamory Means Extra Hinge Responsibility
Parallel polyamory is valid AND unfortunately, many hinges underestimate what it means to be the person in the middle managing the dynamic.
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The Shame Series, Module 1
Shame is learned, not innate. Discover how religion, family systems, and social control plant shame in us early — and why so many adults still carry it.
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There Is No Universal Truth To Polyamory.
Non-monogamous relationships, like any other relationships, are nuanced. What works for one person may not work for another, and different people can make the s
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A Healthy Relationship can Still Have Conflict
A healthy relationship does not mean you never have any conflict. A healthy relationship is one where you can move through conflicts/differences in a productive
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Showing Deference vs Respect in Polyamory
Couple privilege can sometimes be enforced by the people outside of the couple without them realising it. There's a really big difference between showing respec
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Going Against The Grain
Figuring out what you've been taught that you should want and believe in, and distinguishing that from what you actually want and believe in, is hard.
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Casual Dating Is Not Polyamory
Dating around while secretly hoping one person wins your monogamy is not polyamory. Leanne Yau draws the line and explains why honesty is non-negotiable.
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Yes, I'm still Non-Monogamous
Fielding exhausting questions from family about your relationship style? Luna Rose shares how she keeps conversations grounded and her boundaries intact.
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I Was More Jealous When I Was Monogamous
I find monogamy more jealousy-inducing than polyamory, because if my partner can only be with ONE person, then of course I'd be more worried about them leaving
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When Is Polyamory Just Not For You?
A follower asked me recently, "Under what circumstances would you tell someone that non-monogamy just isn't for them?". My answer: I would never tell someone di
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You and Your Metamour are Entitled to Your Boundaries
You are allowed to have a boundary where you won't date someone unless you get explicit confirmation from their other partner(s) that they're genuinely polyamor
RELATIONSHIPS
Polyamorous Holiday Survival Guide
The bottom line when it comes to surviving the holidays as a polyamorous person is:
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Being Attracted To Your Friends
Unpopular opinion: you can be platonic friends with people you find attractive without compromising the friendship.
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What my break from dating has taught me about non-monogamy
Non-monogamy doesn't look the same for everyone and that is the beauty of it
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My 3 Main Requirements in Polyamory
Keep your agreements. Be safe and kind. Communicate when things change. Three simple requirements that make polyamory actually work.
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Dating Newbies in Polyamory
If you are a more experienced polyamorous person dating a newbie, your responsibility is to give them the space to figure stuff out and try things at a reasonab
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How To ACTUALLY Deal With Couple Privilege
Not all couple privilege needs to be (or can be!) dismantled, because we live in a mononormative society where monogamy is presented as the "correct", "ethical"
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Are Polyamorous People Ugly? Well…You’re Missing the Point
I'm a polyamorous person and I make a lot of content about polyamory because that is my full time job. And every single day, I get people coming into my comment
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Polyamory And "The Other Woman"
Have you ever had a friend who got cheated on and instead of blaming their partner, they blamed the other woman? Or maybe they started dating someone who said “
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Polyamory and Grief
Non-monogamy can be a joyful experience, but for some people this joy is mixed with contradictory feelings of grief and loss, even if they are thriving and woul
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Maybe They’re Not Toxic - You Just Do Polyamory Differently
Someone's way of doing polyamory could be completely valid, AND it could be incompatible with your way of doing polyamory.
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For the “Cool Girls” in Polyamory
“I don’t want to be a burden, or too much for them…”“They’re telling me that how I feel is wrong…”“I’m scared they’ll leave if I tell them what I truly think…”
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Hierarchical Actions Speak Louder Than Non-Hierarchical Words
Someone saying they practice "non-hierarchical polyamory" doesn't necessarily mean they're safe. True safety is co-created through:
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'Couple Guilt' in Polyamory
If white people feel white guilt for their white privilege, then it follows that couples can feel couple guilt for their couple privilege.
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Being Polyamorous in a Monogamous Relationship
We don't talk enough about the fact that you can align with polyamorous values and enjoy the idea of polyamory, maybe even identify as polyamorous in your heart
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Polyamory Doesn’t Mean Lower Standards
Polyamory means you can have more fluidity and flexibility in your relationships and be more open to different types of connection, AND it's okay to have standa
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When Your Jealousy is 100% Rational
The polyamorous community is always telling folks to "work on their jealousy" and that's valid. But if a partner is actually deprioritising you, neglecting you,
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Hot Take: Kitchen Table Polyamory Can Be Toxic
If you’re like “hey, as a condition of dating me, you must be best friends with my long term partner, and if you aren't, then we can't date anymore” I think tha
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Hierarchical Polyamory Discourse Lacks Nuance
No matter what you feel about hierarchal polyamory, saying “hierarchy bad and you should feel bad" not only lacks nuance, but it is also not going to magically
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“Being Poly and Bi — Polyamorous Bisexuals Aren’t Bad Bisexuals”
It's Bisexuality Awareness Week - so be aware that I am proudly bi and polyamorous! 💕
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You Get To Decide Your Metamour Relationships
I've tried kitchen table polyamory. I've tried parallel polyamory. I highly recommend letting your connections form organically and letting your partners decide
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Polyamory and Privacy
Friendly reminder that you don't have to know every single detail of your partner's date with someone else to be a good and supportive polyamorous partner. Not
SELF CARE
Becoming a Parentless Adult: A Hidden Rite of Passage
Losing both parents shifts consciousness in unexpected ways. A reflection on radical self-responsibility and the initiation of becoming your own anchor.
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Unpacking Jealousy in Polyamory
If your struggling with jealousy it can be useful to do ask yourself some questions. When you’re no longer in an activated state, reflect on what happened:
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3 Pieces of Polyamory Advice - If I Wasn't Afraid of Hurting Your Feelings
I’ve been non-monogamous since 2016, and educating on it full-time since 2020. I’m not usually this direct, but based on what I’ve seen, here is my most brutall
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Polyamory Requires Effort. Duh.
Some people like the IDEA of polyamory more than the EFFORT it takes to actually maintain multiple relationships.
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9 Reminders For Polyamorous Breakups
1. Lots of people are going to say “I told you so” because they are biased to believe polyamory doesn’t work long term. Breakups happen for all kinds of reasons
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When You’re Jealous, Get Curious
Jealousy is not an inherently evil emotion, but a tool for self-improvement. Don't shy away from it, don't shame yourself from feeling it, but lean into feeling
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Polyamory and STIs
To people who go "polyamorous people must have so many STIs!" - when was the last time you got tested?
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Your First Year of Polyamory is NOT Your Destiny
Struggling in your first year of polyamory doesn't predict whether it's for you. Early difficulties are usually about adjusting to change, not failure.
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In Polyamory, It’s Okay To Ask For More
Friendly reminder that it's okay to want more time with your partner or to ask for regular dates, and being polyamorous doesn't change that. You’re allowed to d
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Stop Glorifying Kitchen Table Polyamory
Non-monogamous relationships, like any other relationships, are nuanced. What works for one person may not work for another. Different people can make the same
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In Polyamory, Complacency Is Dangerous.
If you think you know everything there is to know about polyamory, spoiler alert: you definitely don't. You may not be making the same mistakes you did before,
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How Toxic Monogamy can Hurt Friendships
Have you ever been in a situation where you had a really good close friend. Then your friend got into a romantic relationship and then you started spending a lo
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Being a People Pleaser in Polyamory
We don't talk enough about the fact that exploring polyamory is so much harder when you have people pleasing tendencies. Does this sound like you?
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“Settling Down” When you’re Polyamorous
I’m 27 years old and have been actively non-monogamous since I was 17. When I was younger, a lot of people just assumed that I was casually dating and messing a
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The Best Dating Advice I Ever Got
Worn out by polyamorous dating? One piece of timeless wisdom reframes it all: one truly compatible partner beats several wrong ones every time.
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5 Reasons Someone Might Be Kinky (That Have Nothing To Do With Trauma)
Kink is often pathologised as something that stems from trauma. In reality, there are many nuanced reasons why someone might be kinky. It doesn't mean they're '
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I Love You - So Let’s Break Up
Say your partner is pretending to be okay with polyamory. So whose responsibility is it to break up?
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Finding Your Own Way in Polyamory
There is no One True Way to polyamory. Believing there is one means you're falling into the same trap that you did in monogamy, where you're more focused on doi
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Double Standards In Polyamory
My ‘polyamorous’ ex once told me they didn’t like me sleeping with other people because I was a woman, but it was fine for him to do the same as a man. Double s
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Are You Ready For Polyamory?
The truth is that polyamory isn’t something to be glamorised or demonised - there are pros and cons to any relationship style. For me, polyamory is what works a
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How People Pleasing Happens In Polyamory
People pleasing is common in relationships, but is especially harmful in polyamory. If you struggle to say no, avoid hard conversations, or downplay your needs,
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Stop Falsely Advertising Polyamory Socials!
I have no problem with kink, fetish, and/or swinging events - I’ve attended a few myself! - and obviously, the groups overlap a lot. But please, if your event i
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My Thoughts On “Your Feelings Aren’t My Responsibility”
Your partner's emotions aren't your responsibility, but you should still consider their feelings when acting. That doesn't mean doing everything you can to avoi
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Polyamory Toolkit: Core Needs vs Bonus Needs
“Polyamory just means you have lower standards, right? Because one person can't meet all of your needs, so you just have shitty relationships across the board.”
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Why Age Verification Laws Aren’t About Child Protection
Did you ever tap a “yes, I’m over 18” button on sites as a child despite being under 18? Most of you will probably say yes. I’m not here to say that was right o
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How To Handle Jealousy In Polyamory
Jealousy in polyamory often signals fear, insecurity, or an unmet need — not failure. Learn to identify its root and use it as a tool for self-discovery.
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You Don’t Need To Be In Love To Deserve Good Sex.
PSA: You can have sex without love without needing to sacrifice boundaries and respect. You deserve good sex even when you're not in a romantic relationship.
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Polyamory-Bashing In The Queer Community
When queer people mock polyamory, they undermine the very freedoms the community fights for. Leanne Yau calls out the contradiction and asks us to do better.
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Jealousy and Compersion Are Not Mutually Exclusive
Jealousy and compersion can exist simultaneously. If you are in a long-term relationship and start dating someone new in polyamory, your existing partner may be
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4 Tips For A Successful Threesome
Having a threesome, but feeling left out.? Here's four things you can do to help.
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Are You ‘Bad at Polyamory’, Or Is Your Partner the Problem?
Maybe you're “bad at polyamory”. Or maybe, just maybe, you are in an unsupportive, incompatible relationship with a partner who is unwilling/unable to take acco
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In Polyamory, “Experience” Isn’t Everything
Just because someone has been polyamorous for a long time, it doesn't mean they're good at it. Similarly, just because someone is new to polyamory, it doesn't m
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Polyamorous Dating Can Be Exhausting - And That’s OK
Are you embracing polyamorous dating and feeling excited about all the love and connection I'm about to have in my life, but... realising that dating means meet
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Mirror Work, Part 2: Sensual Mirror Work
Sensual mirror work, as I like to call it, is the practice of using the mirror to create a loving mood.
SELF CARE
Mirror Work, Pt. 1 - Learning to Love What You See
Do you avoid your reflection or pick it apart? Coach Tiff introduces mirror work, Louise Hay's self-love practice for building a kinder relationship with.
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Non-Hierarchy is an Ideal, not a Goal
I genuinely do not care whether you call yourself hierarchical or not. I care about what you’re actually saying, doing, and thinking.
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Casual Sex Is Not Inherently Exploitative
Casual sex is not inherently exploitative, and I am so done with the idea that if a man comes up to you and tells you that he wants sex with you but not a relat
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The Polyamorous Community’s Perfectionism Problem
The polyamorous community has a problem with holding itself to an impossible ethical standard, to the point where even genuine and honest mistakes (especially b
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Debunking 8 Common Polyamory Myths
A list of truly ridiculous and wrong, but unfortunately common, takes I’ve seen in the polyamorous community:
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Polyamory and Boundaries
Hard truth: no matter what you do, you actually have zero control over what anyone else thinks and does. You can make agreements that are aligned with your valu
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Are Your Boundaries Just Incompatible?
Chemistry isn't enough — sometimes you and a partner are both doing everything right and still can't make it work. Here's why compatibility matters.
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On The “Predatory Polyamorist” Stereotype
Newsflash: polyamorous people tend to date other polyamorous people, because why would anyone want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t accept the w
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Why I’m Sick and Tired of Hierarchy Discourse
Let’s talk about hierarchy. More importantly, let’s talk about HOW we talk about hierarchy…because some of you are missing the entire point.
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3 Tips For Polyamorous Breakups
So your partner is going through a breakup, what do you do? Here are three tips:
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A Breakup Isn’t Failure
Have you ever felt compelled to stay in a bad polyamorous relationship because you were afraid that if you broke up, people would invalidate your experience by
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Is My Relationship Agreement Hierarchical Or Not?
Instead of stressing about whether an agreement is “hierarchical” or “non-hierarchical”, ask yourself these questions instead:
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Polyamory and The Struggle Of Uncertainty
Do you get anxious when you think about trying something new or making a big change? That’s okay, most people do. And doing non-monogamy for the first time when
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You Don’t Have To Be Friends With Your Ex.
As a polyamorous person, I've sometimes run into situations where I COULD start or continue a friendship with someone, but I choose not to for a variety of reas
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Why The One Penis/Vagina Policy Is Problematic
The one penis or vagina policy isn't a boundary — it's biphobia with a relationship label. Here's why it's problematic and needs to go.
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Polyamory Won’t Save You From Misogyny
Polyamory can offer more freedom, but it can't undo the patriarchy. Here's how misogyny quietly shows up in progressive non-monogamous spaces.
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Why Saying “Trans People Are The Best of Both Worlds” Is Problematic
Dear bi/pansexuals, I know you THINK you're being trans-affirming when you say things like "As a bi/pansexual, I love pre-op trans women because they've got the
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Are You Bad at Polyamory, Or…
Are you "bad at polyamory", or were you just not taught anything other than monogamy?
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You Are Bisexual and Polyamorous Enough.
Friendly reminder that bisexual polyamorous folks don't owe you a polycule with partners of different genders, and aren't “less bisexual" if they have multiple
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What is Symbiosexuality? A Guide to This Emerging Microlabel
Symbiosexuality means being attracted to a couple's dynamic, not the individuals. Here's what this emerging microlabel means and who it fits.
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Don’t Date Just To Be In A Relationship
You should date someone because you want to be with them specifically. Not just because you want to be in a relationship (or multiple relationships). Good partn
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Navigating Non-Monogamy and Kink with Vanilla Partners
Kink can be a deeply touching experience. It can be exactly what you need, almost like a form of therapy. But what if one of your partners is vanilla? When I re
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I Don’t Care If Your Polyamorous Relationship is “Hierarchical” - Here’s What Actually Matters
Forget the hierarchy debate. What actually matters in ethical polyamory: your real commitments, limitations, and the kind of enmeshment you want.
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Your Partner May Date Differently From You - And That’s Okay.
“If my partner can get into bed with someone else so quickly, what does that mean about our sexual relationship?”
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Honesty in Relationships
A relationship built on honesty is not simply about being honest with each other, but also creating a safe space for your partner to be honest with you and have
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Stop Blaming Yoru Metamour For Partner Problems
I don't know who needs to hear this, but stop blaming your metamour for things that you should be taking up with your partner.
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Why A Man Having Female Friends Is A Green Flag, Actually
I will die on this hill: women who don't "allow" their boyfriends to be close friends with other women are ruining their own relationships.
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Polyamorous Men and The Chad-Cuck Dichotomy
The Chad-Cuck dichotomy describes the contradiction that is the polyamorous man. He is simultaneously perceived as a Chad for having multiple, usually female pa
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Mononormative Propaganda I’m Not Falling For
Marriage as proof of love. Romance over friendship. The nuclear family as default. These mononormative myths are propaganda — and we're done.
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On Putting “Polyamorous” In Dating Profiles
A lot of people read "polyamorous" in a dating profile and think "single until I convince them to be monogamous for me". If you are partnered AND polyamorous, a
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Is Polyamory a Choice?
Choice or orientation? The polyamory identity debate is nuanced, loaded, and worth having. Here's why your answer changes everything.
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Friendly Reminder: Polyamorous Lesbians Exist
“Polyamory is something that sex-crazed men made up to manipulate their girlfriends!"
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Stop Polyvangelising.
I am begging the polyvangelists to realise that polyamory is not the answer to all relationship issues, nor would the world be a better place if everyone was po
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6 Common Causes Of Jealousy
Feeling jealous? Here are 6 common causes of jealousy (based on 1000+ non-monogamous clients I've worked with since 2021):
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Sex Work is WORK!
Sex work is a job that demands high intelligence, motivation, and a business-oriented mind - stripping requires marketing/sales, OnlyFans girls need social medi
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Are You Dating a Polyamory Newbie?
Do not be your partner's only resource for information about polyamory If you're the person who's more experienced and they're a newbie. Not just because that c
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Responsibility vs Freedom in Polyamory
Polyamory gives you the freedom to form multiple relationships, but it does NOT mean you have freedom from accountability, communication, or consideration - in
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How To Tell If Your Friends Support Polyamory
Do your friends not support your polyamorous relationship? Here's how to tell. If your “friends”:
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Polyamorous People Do Not Need “Fixing”
If you believe I should "seek help for mental illness" because I'm polyamorous... How is me honouring my needs and boundaries by rejecting monogamy, developing
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Firefighters' Union Branch Seeks Rights for Polyamorous People
So apparently, Scottish firefighters support polyamory rights, and some people on the right are super mad about this.
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The True Meaning of ‘Freedom’ in Polyamory
Freedom from monogamy is not freedom from responsibility. More partners means more accountability — not less. Here's what freedom really means in polyamory.
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Don’t Let Polyamory Be Your Excuse Not To Break Up
Adding more love doesn't fix a broken relationship. If it's not working, polyamory isn't the answer — it's the delay. Time to be honest.
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Sex and Romance Can Be Separate
I don't know who needs to hear this, but you don't have to be in a romantic relationship with someone to negotiate a respectful, considerate, boundaried, and co
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Don’t Ask Your Monogamous Friends For Relationship Advice
Me asking a monogamous friend for advice about an issue in my relationship:
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On Making Polyamory “Your Entire Personality”
Talking about your polyamorous life isn't making it your whole identity — it's just living out loud. You deserve to take up space like everyone else does.
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Being Friends With An Ex Can Be A Green Flag, Actually
Hot take: staying friends with an ex can be a sign of emotional intelligence.
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When Helping Can Come From Emotional Avoidance
If your partner is struggling emotionally, and your first instinct is to try to rescue them or fix the issue, stop and think: are you doing this because you act
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Why Banning Porn Won’t Protect Children
If you don't want kids to be learning about sex from porn, the solution isn't to ban porn. It’s to improve sex education in schools so they can distinguish ente
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Should You Compromise Or Break Up?
An uncomfortable truth: you simply cannot control your partner's desires, no matter how much they may upset you. A little compromise is healthy in all relations
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Polyamory Requires Compatibility, Not Just Chemistry
People seriously underestimate the amount of things that need to line up for a relationship to work. You may have chemistry, but no compatibility. Or you may lo
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Hinge Just Ruined It For Polyamorous People
Are you a @hinge user? Have you suddenly noticed a spike in attention from monogamous people you don’t want to match with as a non-monogamous person? That’s bec
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It’s Okay To Be Loudly Bisexual and Monogamous
The idea that one can't/shouldn't be loud and proud about being bisexual in a monogamous relationship without it being viewed as cheating comes from the harmful
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If You ‘Don’t Get Jealous’ in Polyamory, Read This.
If you are not a jealous person, just remember that that doesn't necessarily make you a better person. It just means that you got lucky.
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Why Polyamorous Relationships Are More Likely To Be Intentional Relationships
Polyamorous people can be just as immature as everyone else, but they are definitely much more likely to have put at least *some* thought into why they are prac
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Jealousy Doesn’t Make You Less Polyamorous
Jealousy doesn't disqualify you from polyamory. It's useful information — often pointing to an unmet need or real concern, not a flaw to overcome.
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How Abusers Use Polyamory To Manipulate
Abusers hide behind polyamory and BDSM to justify control. Learn the red flags so you never mistake manipulation for a relationship style.
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Is It Okay To Say “You’re Mine” in Polyamory?
Friendly reminder that it's okay to make possessive statements like "you're mine" and "you belong to me" with your partners as a polyamorous person, as long as
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Opening A Relationship Is Like Training For A Marathon
Opening your relationship is kind of like training for a marathon. It might not be super comfortable at first, but you need to do the work in order to get to th
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Your Metamour Is Not “The Other Woman”
The idea of "The Other Woman" also exists in polyamory. If you refuse to see your partner as capable of fault, it's VERY easy to blindly shift blame onto someon
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Why Discussing Polyamory In A Monogamous Relationship is not Cheating
If you think about it, saying “if my partner asks me for an open relationship, that's cheating" is not that dissimilar from saying “if my partner realises they'
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Stop Using Polyamory To ‘Quiet Quit’ Your Relationships
Opening up to avoid an honest breakup isn't ethical non-monogamy — it's quiet quitting a relationship. Leanne Yau explains why endings deserve integrity.
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Freedom In Polyamory Goes Both Ways
Intellectually, if you are dating multiple people, you should be okay with them also dating other people. Emotionally, having multiple partners feels very diffe
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Why You Are Responsible For Your Situationship
Situationships take two. If you're staying in a dynamic that hurts you, you're helping sustain it. A candid take on personal responsibility in ambiguous.
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Why Complacency Kills Relationships
Complacency is what I find kills most long term relationships. People thinking that just because you're in a relationship now, or just because you got a ring on
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You Will Never Know Everything About Polyamory.
Friendly reminder that being “experienced” in polyamory does not mean you are immune to or incapable of making mistakes, bad/toxic behaviour, jealousy/insecurit
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Not Every Long Term Relationship has To End in Marriage
Not everyone in a long-term relationship wants to get married. Just because I love someone, it doesn't mean I want to be legally and financially tied to them. I
RELATIONSHIPS
What is 'Tolyamory'?
Tolyamory is a new term coined by Dan Savage last year, which refers to relationships that are, in principle, monogamous, but where the people involved turn a b
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You Might Be Using ‘Solo Polyamory’ Wrong
Stop saying you're doing "solo polyamory" when what you ACTUALLY mean is you date independently from your partner(s) - which is what most polyamorous people are
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7 Polyamory Opinions I Disagree With, And Why
Everyone is entitled to their opinion… but these are just a few I fundamentally disagree with.
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No, Polyamorous People Aren’t More Privileged
Friendly reminder: polyamorous people are FAR more likely to be queer and/or trans than the average monogamous population, and in general far more likely to be
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Why Attraction To Others Isn’t Cheating
Attraction to others while in a relationship is normal, expected, and not cheating in itself, and I'm tired of pretending it isn't a super common thing that hap
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Don’t Be A ‘Pick Me Polyamorist’
A ‘Pick Me’ is generally someone who belongs to a marginalised group but tries to appeal to more privileged groups at the expense of their own community. A good
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Love Is A Risk
“There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to m
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Proposing an Open Relationship Is Not Cheating
Proposing an open relationship to your partner is not cheating. You may be upset about it. It may not be what you want, and you'd be perfectly within your right
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11 Non-Monogamous Movies To Watch With Your Valentines
If you’re stuck on what to do for this season of love, my queer polyamorous film-loving ass has your back! I regularly review non-monogamy in the media for my s
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Being Polyamorous On Valentine’s Day: What Difference Does A Day Make?
Polyamorous Valentine's Day tip: at the end of the day, it is just a random date and a cute excuse to be extra affectionate. Focus less on when you're doing wha
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You Might Be Using ‘Metamour’ Wrong…
Some of you, I'm not naming names, are using the word ‘metamour’ wrong. metamour means your partner's partner. So your partner once removed effectively. So my b
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Why Do People Hate Polyamory?
Dr. Elisabeth Sheff calls this "the polyamorous possibility" - polyamorous people simply existing causes monogamous people to make the uncomfortable realisation
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The 2 Core Commitments of Successful Polyamory
There are two types of commitment you need for a polyamorous relationship to be sustainable and fulfilling for everyone involved:
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Polyamorous People Are Just Trying To Exist
Polyamorous people who are simply existing and minding their own business are NOT to blame if someone close to them realises they are also non-monogamous and th
RELATIONSHIPS
Why Monogamy Is An Instant Unmatch
I instantly unmatch when people tell me they're monogamous on dating apps. Even though “polyamorous” is literally the first word in my profile, I still get rand
RELATIONSHIPS
Polyamory Won’t Save Your Relationship
FYI: "Our relationship is sinking” is a terrible reason to open the relationship.
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You Don’t Have To Be “Visibly” Polyamorous
You do not have to have multiple partners at every single stage of your polyamorous journey.
RELATIONSHIPS
Shaming Your Partner’s Jealousy? Karma May Come For You!
Have you ever thought "Wow! I would NEVER get that upset/jealous if I was in your position!" only to get that upset/jealous when the situation is reversed?
RELATIONSHIPS
Are You Struggling With Polyamory, Or Change?
Are you actually struggling with polyamory, or are you just struggling with change?
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Dating Couples? Here Are 5 Red Flags To Watch Out For
Being approached as a potential third? These five red flags reveal when a couple is looking to objectify you rather than genuinely include you as an equal.
RELATIONSHIPS
What If Polyamorous People ARE Ugly?
If you’re a polyamorous person who is online, chances are you’ve been called ugly regardless of your actual perceived level of attractiveness. Instead of respon
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Your Feelings Deserve To Be Heard
You deserve to express your hurt feelings about a situation, even if there is nothing that can be done to fix the situation. And you deserve people in your life
RELATIONSHIPS
How To Develop Confidence In Non-Monogamy
Developing confidence in a non-monogamous relationship means you have to move THROUGH challenges when they happen, not run away from them.
RELATIONSHIPS
“Why Don’t You Just Tell People To Leave?”
In my peer support sessions, the vast majority of my clients come to me because they’re experiencing some kind of problem in their relationship.
RELATIONSHIPS
Polyamorous People Aren’t Superhuman - We Just Do The Work
Jealousy is an emotion that most (if not all) people experience, and it's just about what you want to do with the emotion that distinguishes monogamous from non
RELATIONSHIPS
You Can’t ‘Make’ Someone Be Polyamorous
Polyamory isn't contagious; you don't 'make' someone non-monogamous just by existing around them. For many, the desire was already in them, waiting to be awaken
RELATIONSHIPS
Why Can’t I Do Polyamory For Love AND Sex?
Have you heard people tell you that polyamory is about love and not sex? Now, don’t get me wrong, I understand where these people are coming from – polyamory is
RELATIONSHIPS
What Bisexual Really Means - And No, It’s Not What You Think
PSA: the "bi" in "bisexual" does not mean "attraction to both men and women". It means "both homosexual and heterosexual" -attraction to your own gender and OTH
RELATIONSHIPS
Partners Don’t Just Exist To “Meet Needs”
“as a poly lady i get asked this a lot, but i truly do not understand the question "if you already have people who make you happy and fulfill your needs, why do
RELATIONSHIPS
Why Opening Up From Infidelity Is Harder
“My partner keeps cheating on me, so we're trying polyamory with the person he cheated on me with. Any thoughts?”
RELATIONSHIPS
It’s Fine To Fuck Your Friends
PSA: Having sex with your friends can be a mutually rewarding, fulfilling, and intimate bonding experience. With honest and vulnerable communication about inten
RELATIONSHIPS
My Journey to Overcoming Internalised Biphobia
In 2016, I started identifying as bi, and I have been dating across the gender spectrum since 2017. But, it took nearly a decade for me to develop security in m
RELATIONSHIPS
Monogamisery: The Tragedy Of The Miserable Monogamist
People who are secure in their monogamy are never threatened by the polyamorous possibility. The only monogamous people who feel the need to shit on polyamorous
RELATIONSHIPS
Check In Before Sharing Distressing Information
Checking in with someone before you share something that might be potentially distressing or require some emotional support/labour from them is not only a decen
RELATIONSHIPS
The Heartbreak of Polyamorous Holidays
Holding space for the polyamorous people this holiday season whose partners aren't/can't be out to family as polyamorous, or whose family only recognise their m
RELATIONSHIPS
“Casual” Can Be Anything But
When I refer to casual relationships, I refer to them in the colloquial sense of sexual, but not romantic. But those connections, for me, are anything but casua
RELATIONSHIPS
You Are Not At Fault For Clear Communication
When a monogamous person is upset that you, a polyamorous person, still don't want a monogamous relationship just because they caught feelings and suddenly don'
RELATIONSHIPS
Too Many Eggs For One Basket?
"You're only polyamorous because you're afraid to put all your eggs in one basket!" I'm not afraid to put all my eggs in one basket. I just don't think my eggs
RELATIONSHIPS
Unconditional Love Can be Problematic
Unpopular opinion: breaking up should always be an option - no matter how much you love them, no matter how long you've been together, and no matter what entang
RELATIONSHIPS
Just Because You Love Your Partner, It Doesn’t Mean Others Will
Hard truth: just because you like your partner, it doesn’t mean other people will. Don’t assume that just because someone is into you, that they will be into yo
RELATIONSHIPS
Stop Retreating To Monogamy For Safety
Retreating to monogamy whenever you experience a difficult emotion is not going to make you any better at navigating non-monogamy - it just makes you more scare
RELATIONSHIPS
I’m Agender Because I’m Autistic.
I'm agender because I'm too autistic to even think about gender as a concept. There are days when I literally don't feel human because of all the social rules t
RELATIONSHIPS
Don’t Date Beyond Your Capacity in Polyamory
Polyamory means that you can theoretically date as many people as you want to, but in reality you only have so much time on your hands. Every non-monogamous per
RELATIONSHIPS
Polyamory Haters Are Just Telling On Themselves
I don't care if people hate on me for being polyamorous. Because polyamory haters are just ignorant victims of mononormativity who are insecure that you make th
RELATIONSHIPS
Check In With Your Partners this Holiday Season
If you're spending time with family with one/some of your partners but not others (which sucks, but can happen for a wide variety of reasons), how are you showi
RELATIONSHIPS
Polyamorous Single People Don’t Get Taken Seriously
Me, polyamorous: "I'm single right now, but I want a polyamorous relationship, and you need to be okay with that to date me."
RELATIONSHIPS
Before You Blame Your Metamour, Hold Your Partner to Account
‘I don't feel the need to be territorial over my romantic and sexual partners because I don't perceive other women as a threat to my stability.
RELATIONSHIPS
You Might Be Using ‘Ambiamorous’ Wrong
Dating app life hack: not everyone who says they are "open to monogamy and non-monogamy" is actually ambiamorous. Most people who say they are open to both rela
RELATIONSHIPS
Its My 4 Year Page-iversary!
It’s been 4 years since I started this page 🎂 Let me re-introduce myself...
RELATIONSHIPS
Is the Future Polyamorous?
“Do you think poly / open relationships is the direction we as a society are moving towards”
RELATIONSHIPS
Some Boundaries Aren’t Valid, Actually
Yes, you can technically set whatever boundaries you want in a relationship, and if your partner’s happy to respect them and no one’s getting hurt, then you do
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We Shouldn't Have Fallen in Love - Part 1
A raw account of falling for a monogamous man while practicing ENM — how NRE and love bombing can silence your intuition even when every warning sign is.
RELATIONSHIPS
Is the Bedroom Sacred?
Some musings on inviting other people into the bed I share with my partner.
RELATIONSHIPS
Dating Others to Get Closer
Yes, dating other people has brought me and my primary partner closer together!
RELATIONSHIPS
Some Thoughts on Jealousy
Jealousy in non-monogamy can feel unbearable — but one writer discovered that admitting envy rather than hiding it was the only thing that actually brought.
IDENTITY
Weaponized Autonomy
You are absolutely entitled ALWAYS to decide for yourself what you want to say and do. You have FULL CONTROL over that. That's 100% true.
RELATIONSHIPS
Rejection is Rejection, even if you're Polyamorous.
You don't have to be single and monogamous to feel the sting of rejection.
FEATURED
You are not Bad, Maybe you're just Non-Monogamous.
If you have spent years labeling yourself a cheater, you might just be non-monogamous. One woman recounts the journey from chronic shame to finally feeling.
RELATIONSHIPS
Prioritizing a Partner is NOT Hierarchy
The inherent assumption is that the status of "highest priority" in hierarchical relationships will remain permanently and never ever waver, which is, for most,
SELF CARE
How I Changed My Love Hate Relationship with the Honeymoon Phase
How I learned to appreciate it for its beauty and embrace its inevitable transformation.
RELATIONSHIPS
Supporting my Primary Partner Through Heartbreak
Supporting a partner through heartbreak (over someone else) isn't always straightforward.
SELF CARE
Co-dependency is Killing your Relationship
Love and need are not the same thing. Learn to spot codependent patterns early, set boundaries, and build relationships where both people remain whole.
RELATIONSHIPS
We love enthusiastic participation
Half-in doesn't cut it anymore. Enthusiastic participation — showing up fully — isn't a bonus in relationships. It's the bare minimum.
RELATIONSHIPS
Money, money, money, money!
Race, entrepreneurship, and dating walk into a bar. The complicated feelings that come up when money becomes part of the relationship equation.
RELATIONSHIPS
Is relationship anarchy a front?
Relationship anarchy is a valid philosophy — but some people use it as an excuse to dodge accountability. Here's how to tell the difference.
RELATIONSHIPS
ENM, Poly, Open - Oh My!
ENM, open, polyamory — they're not the same thing. Here's a clear, no-jargon breakdown of what each actually means and how they differ.
RELATIONSHIPS
Finding Balance in Polyamory
If you don't yet know your limits of time, energy and resources, you're about to bump your head on the ceiling of those! So, what can you DO?
RELATIONSHIPS
Big girls need love, too
The internet has opinions about plus-size people and desire. Those opinions are wrong. Big girls deserve love, lust, and everything in between.
SELF CARE
"Emotional (Un)Availability"
Why are women expected to be endlessly emotionally available while their own needs go ignored? A real conversation about the double standard.
SELF CARE
Bonus Content: Dating Games
Mind games, mixed signals, and manipulation — the full debrief on what actually goes on beneath the surface of modern dating culture.
SELF CARE
Bad date or covert narcissist?
Bad week? Try a date with someone who gaslights, negs, and plays games. Here's how to tell if you met a jerk or a covert narcissist.
IDENTITY
🏳️🌈Happy Pride!🏳️🌈
Happy Pride! A celebration of loving freely, queerly, and unapologetically — and what it really means to build a life on your own terms.
RELATIONSHIPS
Is he passionate or controlling?
Intensity can look like love — until it doesn't. Here's how to tell the difference between passion and control before things get dangerous.
RELATIONSHIPS
Oh, you just got out of a relationship?
He broke up with her two days ago and spent the whole date talking about her. A cautionary tale about dating people who aren't actually ready.
RELATIONSHIPS
Background checks for errrbody
You invited a stranger home and know nothing about them. Time to fix that. Why background checks should be non-negotiable in modern dating.
RELATIONSHIPS
He's just not that into you
You got ghosted. It stings. Here are the signs you probably missed — and how to read the room before you invest in someone who's already checked out.
RELATIONSHIPS
Speaking Their Love Language: an Obligation or a Choice?
I wrote this in response to an online post which stated that learning a partner’s love language was never intended for you to feel obligated to fill their needs
RELATIONSHIPS
Real talk: Is wanting kids a red flag?
Wanting kids isn't a red flag — but ignoring incompatibility around it is. Here's the honest conversation ENM daters need to have upfront.
SELF CARE
Professional Projectionists 101
A man called well-traveled women red flags. The mental gymnastics people do to project their insecurities onto others is truly Olympic-level.
RELATIONSHIPS
Please don't call me chocolate
A Black woman shares the racial fetishization and cultural insensitivity red flags to watch for on dating apps — and why she unmatch the instant she gets the.
RELATIONSHIPS
I Have Feelings
I have feelings. They are not easily hurt but they have been bruised too many times to count. They have learned to guard themselves. They have been taught that
IDENTITY
Red Flags for Over 35
Turning 35 changed how one woman sees dating. From refusing gender roles to dropping people-pleasing habits, here are the things she is joyfully leaving.
RELATIONSHIPS
My Top 20 Tips for Great Group Sex
So, you’ve decided to dip your toes into group sex? OR you have before but are hoping to increase the odds of a positive experience? OR you just are curious AF?
RELATIONSHIPS
What we're NOT gonna do this year...
Situationships, self-abandonment, and bad communication habits — here's the dating baggage we're leaving at the door this year. For real.
SELF CARE
Why I Am Obsessed with Relationships
From shaving her head and hitchhiking across the US at 18, to reopening her heart to love. A personal story of isolation, healing, and the courage to connect.
RELATIONSHIPS
ENM, Open, Poly — words matter
Someone calling themselves non-monogamous on an app does not mean they practice it ethically. Five red flags that reveal the language is being used without.
RELATIONSHIPS
Be safe this cuffing season
Cuffing season makes it easy to settle for the wrong person. Here's how to stay safe, spot red flags, and avoid covert narcissists this winter.
IDENTITY
What’s Wrong with Unicorn Hunting?
NOTE: Unicorn hunting is when a couple seeks out another person, often a bi woman for a cis/het couple (M/F) to have a s-xual relationship with. The term most o
RELATIONSHIPS
Is Non-monogamy the Natural State for Humans?
Here's an exerpt: "I'm not here to write a paper debunking the theories of "Sex at Dawn". There's others who have done a much more thorough job of that than I.
RELATIONSHIPS
What DO You Do? A Chronicle of the Last Six Years
Don't get me wrong. Everything I did for my family, giving help where I could and the visits - it's all part of a life well lived - and what anyone would do, an
KINK
Being Ambiamorous: Part Poly, Part Mono
Usually one hears "I'm Ambiamorous because I can be HAPPY in either mono or poly relationships" - and bless them for having that experience. At first glance, th
RELATIONSHIPS
Let’s Talk Monogamy: Transcript of GB News Interview
Alex Phillips: Joining me now is Leanne, a non-monogamy educator and advocate. Leanne, picking up, I hope you heard what Katheryn was saying. She’s saying that
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7 Famous Polyamorists From History
Georgiana “Gee” Cavendish was an English duchess, gifted author, and women’s rights activist. She was well known for her unusual marital arrangement with Willia
RELATIONSHIPS
So You Want To Be A Unicorn: A Guide to Dating Polyamorous Couples
I've written about unicorn hunting in the past, but I realised that I've never made a resource for people who self-identified as unicorns. So, here is a guide f
RELATIONSHIPS
Polyamory, Jealousy, and the ‘Buffet Analogy’
When assessing whether your jealousy is healthy or toxic, I like to compare it to eating at a buffet.
RELATIONSHIPS
I’m Autistic and Polyamorous. Here’s Why It Works For Me.
April is Autism Awareness Month, so I thought I’d talk about what it’s like being autistic and polyamorous. I realised there weren’t a huge number of resources
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“You’re Polyamorous? What If Your Partner Leaves?”
Polyamory's most common fear is your partner leaving for someone else. One writer dismantles why that fear often reveals something about ownership, not love.
RELATIONSHIPS
No, Polyamory Is Not A ‘Solution’ To Cheating
I’ve been seeing a worrying trend on the internet recently, where people say that anyone who cheats in a monogamous relationship “should just be polyamorous”. W
RELATIONSHIPS
Where Are The Non-FFM Polyamorous Triads?
A common complaint I see on the internet when it comes to polyamory is, “Why is it always one man and two women?” While there are definitely many MMF/FMF, FFF,
RELATIONSHIPS
Let’s Talk About ‘Revenge Dating’ in Polyamory
I’ve come across a toxic phenomenon in the polyamory community which I would like to call “revenge dating”, which is when you date someone for the sole purpose
RELATIONSHIPS
Apologies Are For Other People, Not For You
A strange thing happened to me the other day. I received a notification of a new message request, and opened it to find a lengthy message from a girl who I was
RELATIONSHIPS
Emotional Libertarianism in Polyamory: Are We Responsible for Other People’s Feelings?
Emotional libertarianism sounds freeing, but is there a line between healthy autonomy and dodging accountability in polyamory? When it helps, when it harms.
RELATIONSHIPS
What’s the Difference Between Polyamory, Polygamy, and Ethical Non-Monogamy?
Polyamory, polygamy, and ethical non-monogamy are conflated with each other all the time. This problem comes up quite often on my page and the Internet in gener
RELATIONSHIPS
Why You Should Disclose Polyamory in Your Dating Profiles
Dating apps are a raging hellscape as they are, but especially more so when you are polyamorous. Of the most commonly used dating apps, OKCupid is the only one
RELATIONSHIPS
What Compersion Feels Like
Compersion is best defined as sympathetic joy. Simply put, it is the joy you feel when someone you love or care about is happy, even if their positive experienc
RELATIONSHIPS
What Love Languages Do You Speak and Understand?
If you read a lot about relationships in general, you’ve probably already come across The Five Love Languages, first coined by Gary Chapman in his book. While I
RELATIONSHIPS
Slut-Shaming in the Polyamorous Community
One of the things that people in the polyamorous community love to talk about is how polyamory is not about sex, but about the loooove. I fully understand why t
RELATIONSHIPS
15 Common Red Flags in Polyamorous Relationships
EDIT JULY 2023: I was interviewed on the Sex & Psychology podcast about this article (a whole 2.5 years after writing it!) and you can hear an expansion of my o
RELATIONSHIPS
My Journey Into Polyamory
When I first started dating in 2015, I barely knew anything about relationships, let alone non-monogamous ones. Growing up in an Asian country meant that I had
RELATIONSHIPS
Why Unicorn Hunting Doesn’t Work
Imagine you met someone, A, and you became good friends. You got along great, had a lot of stuff in common, and you had a feeling that your friendship would las
