Hot Take: Kitchen Table Polyamory Can Be Toxic

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If you’re like “hey, as a condition of dating me, you must be best friends with my long term partner, and if you aren't, then we can't date anymore” I think that can be somewhat coercive.

Your partners do not need to be besties. I think it's important to be friendly, to make space for each other's relationships with the other person. But beyond that, what relationship they have is really not up to you.

Any kind of dynamic where people are not allowed to organically and authentically form the connections that feel most natural to them is one that risks being rife with unnecessary power dynamics. If you have a partner who needs to personally befriend, and approve of, every new person that you date in order for you to continue dating them, how is that not a form of couple privilege?

This is not me saying that you can’t and shouldn’t do that – I’m not your parent, you’re an adult, go live your life. But this post is just to provide you with a little bit of perspective of how it feels on the other side.

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