If You ‘Don’t Get Jealous’ in Polyamory, Read This.

Photo by Markus Winkler on Pexels

If you are not a jealous person, just remember that that doesn't necessarily make you a better person. It just means that you got lucky.

If you're someone who doesn't get jealous and you're partnered with someone who is the worst thing you can do is shame them, guilt trip them, or otherwise, just make them feel bad for having a normal human emotion. You have different backgrounds, you have different traumas and triggers, and when stuff happens, obviously that's going to affect you in different ways.

The biggest mistake I made in my first open relationship was shaming my partner for experiencing jealousy because I didn't want it to rain on my parade, and because I did that, that severely damaged the trust in our relationship and made my partner feel like I wasn't there for him.

9 years later, I still feel bad about the way I shamed my partner in my first non-monogamous relationship, and how that made him feel abandoned emotionally. It’s why I always stress to people who are struggling less with non-monogamy to try to use their extra capacity/resources to support their partner(s) who are struggling more, while encouraging them to take responsibility for their own emotions and self-work. Get off your high horse and remember you’re a team 🤝

Be supportive. Be a supportive partner and talk to them about what's affecting them, why it's affecting them, and if there's anything that you can do to help. There's a lot of stuff that they can and should be doing on their own, but they might need your support as well. Whether it's just offering reassurance, talking them through their feelings, or just being there and listening. Shaming your partner for experiencing negative emotions doesn't make the emotions go away. It just makes them less likely to trust you with their vulnerability.

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