The Jealousy Series: 8 Podcast Episodes on Jealousy in Open Relationships and Polyamory

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If you have ever lain awake at 3am, heart pounding, wondering what is wrong with you for feeling this way, I want you to hear this first: nothing is wrong with you.

Jealousy is not a character flaw. It is a normal human emotion, and handling it well is a skill that can be learned. I have lived in this world for over two decades, and I have coached 390+ clients through it.

Between mid-August and early October, I published eight posts that each take one question I hear again and again and pair it with a conversation from the Loving Without Boundaries podcast. Here they are in one place, in the order I would read them if you are new. Choose the one that sounds most like you tonight.

1. Is Jealousy Proof I’m Not Cut Out for Polyamory?

With Jessica Fern. Read this if you are wondering whether feeling jealous means you should go back to monogamy.

Jealousy does not mean you are broken. The bigger harm often comes from shame that keeps couples from repairing after a hard moment, and a sudden push back toward monogamy deserves a closer look before you simply agree to it.

2. Does Jealousy in Non-Monogamy Ever Go Away, or Do You Just Manage It Forever?

With Sarah Sloane. Read this if you are tired of waiting for jealousy to disappear.

It may not vanish completely, even after decades of practice. The goal is to build a relationship with the feeling so it stops running the show: treat it as a signal of an underlying need, then ask for that need directly, in plain language.

3. Am I Jealous or Am I Envious? Why the Difference Actually Matters

With Jeff Gleason and Sarah Love. Read this if you can’t name what twists in your chest when your partner mentions a date.

Envy is wanting something you don’t yet have, and it is often mistaken for jealousy. Mislabeling it can lead you to restrict a partner when the real need is to pursue more of what you want for yourself. Get curious before you get reactive.

4. Why Does My Partner’s Date Make Me Spiral, Even When I Trust Them?

With Chanée Jackson Kendall. Read this if you trust your partner and still spiral.

The trust is real. The spiral is old. Trust and jealousy can live side by side, and the spiral is often your nervous system reacting to old fears like abandonment or feeling replaceable.

5. How Do I Stop the 3am Jealousy Spiral When I’m Lying Next to My Sleeping Partner?

With Laurel Schrock. Read this if you are wide awake next to someone who is sound asleep.

A 3am spiral does not mean your relationship is broken or that you are bad at this. Get curious about the fear instead of reacting to it, and it may point to a need for reassurance, an unspoken boundary, or something new about yourself.

6. My Partner Says They Can’t Reassure Me Enough — Am I Asking Too Much?

With Ellecia Paine. Read this if you worry you need too much reassurance.

No, you’re not asking too much. Wanting reassurance is reasonable. The strain comes when your partner is the only source of it, so we look at building security you can give yourself, until reassurance becomes a nice extra and not the one thing holding you steady.

7. What’s the Difference Between Jealousy and an Actual Red Flag?

With Gordon and Jennifer. Read this if you can’t tell whether your alarm is a warning or an old wound.

A real red flag rests on current evidence, like broken agreements or dishonesty. A false alarm comes from old experiences and only feels urgent. The difference isn’t how intensely you feel it.

8. Why Don’t I Feel Happy for My Partner’s Other Relationships? (Even Though I Want To)

With Dr. Marie Thouin. Read this if you think you should feel joy for your partner and don’t.

Nothing is wrong with you if you don’t feel happy for your partner’s other relationship yet. Compersion is valued but not required, and simply being okay with it can be enough. Low compersion is information to explore, not a reason for self-criticism.

If you want more than articles

You are not alone, and there is hope. Information helps, and so does having the right support while you put it into practice.

I lovingly invite you to watch my free masterclass, What Those in Healthy, Happy Open Relationships Know That You Don’t, where I walk through the shifts that help people feel safe, happy and secure.

And if you want to hear the full conversations, you can find all 290+ episodes on the Loving Without Boundaries podcast page.

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KITTY CHAMBLISS, Master Coach (ICF-Certified), CPC
Relationship Coach | Speaker | Educator | Trauma-Informed
Author of “Jealousy Survival Guide: How to feel safe, happy, and secure in an open relationship”

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