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People Pleasing
People-pleasing is a trauma response that destroys your boundaries — and in non-monogamy, it multiplies harm across every relationship you hold.
On its surface, “people pleasing” might appear as a behavior people engage in with the motivation to be well-liked or accepted. It can look like difficulty saying “no”, putting others’ needs before your own, or putting off difficult conversations in order to avoid conflict. Ultimately, people pleasers struggle with maintaining boundaries with others, which can lead to overcommitting and overextending themselves to the point of exhaustion.
If any of these examples resonate with you, you’ve probably experienced instances where your own people pleasing behaviors have been harmful to you. To feel better, you might justify it as a sacrifice for the benefit of others - but it can actually cause harm to the relationships we are in. And if you are someone who engages in relationships beyond the monogamous norm, it can cause even more stress and harm by multiplying the number of people you have to keep up with pleasing.
Original Post: Nicole Sonnefeldt
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