Polyamory As An Act of Resistance
Non-Monogamy, bodily autonomy, and the fight against patriarchy
Nicole Sonnefeldt (she/her)
ENM Coach
Nicole Sonnefeldt, MA (she/her) is an alternative relationship coach and consultant and the founder of Freeform Coaching: Relationship Coaching for Conscious Non-Monogamy. A former trauma and couple's therapist with a Master's in Counseling Psychology from the Chicago School of Professional Psychology, Nicole blends her personal experience as a queer woman in the lifestyle, non-monogamy, kink and…
Coaching
ENM Coach
From swinging to relationship anarchy, newbies to decades of lifestyle experience, Nicole helps all folks under the ENM umbrella navigate relationships and boundaries through exploration, healthy communication, and consent.
Book a session28 articles by Nicole Sonnefeldt
Secure Attachment to Self
A Necessity for Building Healthy, Happy Relationships with Others
Why are we afraid of loneliness?
Does being alone have to mean being lonely? I don’t believe being alone and being lonely are always synonymous. In my experience (and clinical understanding), b
Bisexual Visibility Month
September is Bisexual Visibility Month, and I’m thrilled to announce I’ll be hosting another panel in Chicago - but this time, we’re making it unapologetically
Managing Metamours
Relating to Your Partners’ Partners
Defining Commitment Without Exclusivity
In monogamous relationships, we typically equate commitment with exclusivity.
The “Relationship Escalator”
Why it’s important, no matter your relationship structure
Why Hot Girls Have Tummy Issues
The Brain-Gut Connection
"Coming Out" as Non-Monogamous?
Things to consider about our mononormative world.
Finding the Balance Between “Me” and “We”
A Necessity for Transitioning to Non-Monogamy
Dating Non-Monogamous?
3 Questions to Ask Potential Partners
Living ENM Q&A
Love and life from the perspective of a "solo polyamorist"
Why is Visibility Important?
Celebrating Week of Visibility for Non-Monogamy
How To Catch a Unicorn
Dismantling power dynamics and biphobia in non-monogamy
5 Things I Learned By Decentering Romance
How an intentional year without dating changed my life - for the better.
Dear Reader: Please, Stop Using AI for Relationship Advice.
If you follow me at all, I doubt the title of this article will surprise you.
Let's Stop Using the Term "Non-Hierarchical"
Non-hierarchical sounds evolved, but in practice it often creates more confusion than clarity. Here's why it's time to retire the label.
Handling Rejection With Grace
More connection means more rejection in non-monogamy. Learn why neurodivergent people feel it most — and how to handle it with grace.
Why “No Feelings” Sets ENM Up for Failure
No feelings sounds clean until the feelings show up anyway. Suppressing emotions in ENM doesn't make them vanish — it makes things messy.
People Pleasing
People-pleasing is a trauma response that destroys your boundaries — and in non-monogamy, it multiplies harm across every relationship you hold.
On the Hyper-Sexualization of Sensuality
Sensuality and sexuality are not the same thing. Conflating them harms sensory-seeking and neurodivergent people most — and all of us deserve better.
The #1 Thing That Will Improve ALL of Your Relationships
Whether you are monogamous or non-monogamous, one overlooked skill consistently transforms every relationship — and it has nothing to do with structure.
Reflections From My First EXXXOTICA
Speaking at EXXXOTICA revealed a glaring gap in lifestyle spaces: real consent education. Nicole reflects on what she found — and what she plans to change.
How Do You Know You’re Safe at a Play Party?
A solo poly unicorn explains why a consent talk alone doesn't make a play party safe — and how learning to read her body became her real safety practice.
Want to explore non-monogamy?
Excitement will get you started. But knowing your why is what keeps ENM from becoming a chaotic mess. Start here before you open up.
Coercion Culture & Silence
What Non-Monogamous Communities Need to Learn from the Epstein Files - How coercion culture, and silence leads to harm in sex positive environments.
Jealousy: Our Over-Protective Friend
The goal in non-monogamy isn't to deal with jealousy — it's to befriend it. An ENM coach explains what it means to build a real relationship with your.
Why I Left Counseling to Become a Coach
Insurance audits, ethics boards silent on fascism, and hiding half her life at work — an ENM coach explains why she walked away from therapy to serve her.
