How To Catch a Unicorn

This past weekend I attended EXXXOTICA Minneapolis, where I had the privilege to present my seminar, “How to Catch a Unicorn: Straight From the Unicorn’s Mouth” for the second time. As queer, bisexual woman who explored being a “unicorn” while simultaneously working as a marriage counselor, the seminar was initially inspired by a joke a friend of mine in the lifestyle once made - that I clearly have a passion for bringing couples together. But once giving it, I realized how serious the subject actually is - because how to navigate sex and relationships with three people is a conversation that’s rarely had.

I believe there are two main reasons why there’s a gap in this discourse. First, there’s an unfortunate amount of gatekeeping when it comes to the discourse around non-monogamy and polyamory. Many folks who preach non-hierarchical polyamory as the only ethical way to practice non-monogamy end up shooting themselves in the foot. Adamantly advocating against other relationship structures pushes those who prefer to relate otherwise away from much needed help and education. Ultimately, the skills needed to practice healthy non-hierarchical polyamory are the same skills you need to have healthy relationships of any kind - whether friendships, romantic relationships, or relationships that are purely sexual.

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