What my break from dating has taught me about non-monogamy

Hello everyone!

It has been quite a while since I last posted here. It would be an understatement to say that I hit some big bumps in the road when it comes to my love life. I needed a bit of a break from sharing my experience on this page, but I am now ready to jump back in.

Something that I love about non-monogamy is the fact that it is fluid and ever-changing to fit the needs of those involved. Sometimes it involves multiple committed partners, and other times it looks like pulling back and putting all your time and attention on a primary partner. There are no rules of what is "good" or "bad," what is "right" and "wrong." I am a firm believer that black and white thinking only entraps us in judgment, fear, and stagnation.

Non-monogamy has taken a very different shape for me over these past two years. I ended a turbulent and passionate relationship that almost destroyed my primary partnership, contracted scabies from a partner (something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy), and decided that it was time for me to take a break from being intimate with others. I needed time to reflect, recuperate, and build back trust in my primary partnership.

Now, some people may say that once my partner, Nile, and I decided to close our relationship to new partners that we were no longer non-monogamous. I couldn't agree less with this. Non-monogamy is a mindset and practice more than it is a set of hard rules.

Nile and I still talk about people we are attracted to. In these past two years, we have both kissed other people, and he's even been more physical with others. Non-monogamy is a dance for us, one that can be fast and exciting or slow and deliberate. And the best part - in this dance, all parts of us are accepted and no desires are demonized. It's truly a beautiful thing!

So, this post is a reminder that, just like our own lives, non-monogamy has its own ebbs and flows. If you're not dating multiple people right now or are taking a break to be with yourself, you can still be non-monogamous! To me, non-monogamy just means a commitment to living a life that prioritizes being able to express your full spectrum of love in a way that feels good to you.

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Taking a break or redefining your non-monogamous journey? Connect with an ENM-aware therapist who can help you explore what feels right for you. Find inclusive communities that honor all expressions of non-monogamy.

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