Five phrases to use in a difficult polyamory moment: stay connected, express feelings without blame, and de-escalate tension before it becomes conflict.
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When you're experiencing challenging emotions in polyamory, here are some phrases you can use to defuse the tension and stay in connection, rather than escalating into further conflict:
"I know what I've shared with you was really difficult for you to hear, but I want to reassure you that I still love and care about you. I appreciate you for listening and I want you to know it matters to me."
"I'm having big feelings right now, but it doesn't mean I blame you or that I think you did anything wrong. I'm sharing this with you because I want to let you in on my inner experience, not because I'm trying to attack you or stop you from doing what you're doing. I love you."
"I'm not setting a boundary because I'm trying to punish you. I'm setting a boundary because it is what I need to feel safe in this connection. I appreciate you for respecting and considering my feelings, and caring about our relationship. I love you and hope we can work together to find a way for everyone's needs to be met."
"I need a bit of space to process my feelings. I'm not abandoning or rejecting you, I still love you, but right now I don't want to say something I don't mean or will regret later so I'm going to take a little break. This is what I need to continue this conversation in a productive way, and I promise to come back when I feel ready. Thank you for your patience with me."
"I feel so angry/upset/disappointed/sad right now, but I just need some time for the feelings to pass and I won't hold them against you. We don't need to fix everything right now, but I would really value your presence while I sit with my emotions. I still love you and we will be okay."
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Original Post: Poly Philia
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