Partners Don’t Just Exist To “Meet Needs”

Photo by Ketut Subiyanto on Pexels

“as a poly lady i get asked this a lot, but i truly do not understand the question "if you already have people who make you happy and fulfill your needs, why do you need more?" like it's not about needing more or having ppl for my needs. everyone brings something different to life” - @theashleyray

I dislike thinking of polyamory as having different partners to “meet different needs”. It feels objectifying to me to view my partners in terms of what they do for me, rather than who they are. People aren’t need-filling machines for our consumption, but whole individuals.

I don’t seek out new partners because my existing ones are lacking, unfulfilling or “not enough” in any way. I pursue polyamory because I enjoy the freedom to explore different facets of myself and learn new things.

If you seek partners to fulfil a particular objective, or to supplement something you cannot get from your existing partner, make sure to be clear that that is what they are to you so they can give informed consent. Don’t use people to “cope” with existing relationships if that's not what they signed up for!

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