6 Common Causes Of Jealousy

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Feeling jealous? Here are 6 common causes of jealousy (based on 1000+ non-monogamous clients I've worked with since 2021):

• Fear of loss or abandonment

• Insecurity from comparing/competing

• Grief for the relationship you once had

• Scarcity mindset and zero-sum thinking

• Anger, betrayal, resentment

Jealousy is not an inherently evil emotion, but a tool for self-improvement. Don’t shy away from it, don’t shame yourself from feeling it, but lean into feeling curious about yourself - you may be surprised and humbled by what comes up. Emotionally berating yourself for feeling jealousy and insecurity does not actually get to the root of the issue, and instead perpetuates a cycle of shame. Stop feeling bad for feeling bad!

BUT…sometimes the solution to jealousy isn’t to overcome it. Far too often we’re told to look inward when we should also be looking externally for issues in the relationship. If you’re in a toxic relationship, all the “processing” you’re doing is actually just numbing the pain.

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