Before You Blame Your Metamour, Hold Your Partner to Account

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‘I don't feel the need to be territorial over my romantic and sexual partners because I don't perceive other women as a threat to my stability.

My partners are responsible for their own actions.

If those actions include unethical behavior or breaking our relationship agreements, I hold them accountable for that, not any other parties involved.

The seductress "other woman" trope is a myth perpetuated by patriarchy. If another woman can convince my partner to cheat on me, that's on him.’

cred @anjelicaa

Every now and again, I get clients who come into my session seeking help on dealing with a troublesome metamour, only to realise at the end of the session that the issue was not with the metamour, but with the partner that they shared. It's VERY easy to shift blame onto someone you don't know as well rather than see someone you love in a different light. You see this with overly defensive parents when their child is revealed to be a bully, you see this with people who are blindly loyal to problematic friends, and you see this in romantic relationships where someone is so far in that they can't see their partner's flaws.

So - be careful! Sometimes your partner is the problem, not the person they're dating, and that can be hard to accept but it doesn't make it any less true.

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