She Thought She Was Coming to Learn About Open Relationships. She Left Knowing Herself.

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Years later, she’s still using everything she learned — and what happened next will surprise you.

I want to tell you about Mel.

Not because her story ended the way she planned. But because of what it became instead. And because I think it might be the most important kind of success story I’ve ever had the privilege of sharing.

Where She Started

Mel came to me in January of 2023 alongside her partner of 16 years, Brad. They had longevity. They had friendship. They had, as she wrote on her intake form, "solidarity."

They also had a dream.

They wanted to open their relationship — to explore ethical non-monogamy together. One of them had previous poly experience. The other was newer to the idea, more tentative, more afraid. They were hitting roadblocks.

Here is what Mel wrote when I asked her what her ideal relationship would look like:

"Ideally we’d like to be at a point where we are so confident in ourselves and our relationship with each other that we could be supportive of each other’s other partners instead of envious or jealous."

That was the dream. Confidence. Security. Compersion instead of fear.

And when I asked her how awesome she was on a scale of one to her favorite superhero?

She said: Aquaman. The hot one.

(She was not wrong. But more on that later.) 😄

What They Brought to the Work

Mel and Brad were not people who gave up easily. They had already been doing the work before they found me — strong communication, research, honest conversations. They came in resourceful and committed.

Mel wrote: "It’s not always easy, but I’m willing to get resourceful when I need to, especially for a lifetime transformation."

She meant it. Every word.

They both went through the JSG program and then continued into Momentum — the ongoing community and coaching program for graduates. They showed up. They did the work. They stayed.

What the Work Revealed

Here is the thing about this work that most people don’t expect: you come in thinking you’re going to learn how to manage jealousy or navigate open relationships. And you do learn that. But along the way, you also learn something far more profound.

You learn who you actually are.

For Mel, that meant discovering that her strength had always been in connecting with people. In understanding them. In holding space for their growth.

Working in the groups, talking through the hard things, watching other people transform alongside her — something clicked. A direction she had thought about in her twenties and abandoned suddenly became undeniable.

"Working with you, doing the groups, talking to people — I realized that my strength is working with people. And so I am now two years into my bachelor’s degree in psychology."

She is pursuing psychedelic therapy. Neuroscience. Ketamine. Brainwave science. She attended a convention of neuroscientists and psychologists — and didn’t feel like an imposter. She felt at home.

She has a trans child. A neurodivergent circle. A life that requires someone who truly understands the full complexity of being human. And she is becoming exactly the person her community needs.

The coaching didn’t just help her relationship. It pointed her toward her calling.

What Happened to the Marriage

I want to speak about this with the care it deserves.

Mel and Brad did not stay married. After doing everything they could — with full commitment, with every tool available, with the most genuine love and respect for each other — they recognized that their paths were leading in different directions. Brad, a kind and thoughtful man, ultimately found that polyamory was not his path. Mel knew it was hers.

And so they made a decision that most people would find unimaginable: they ended a 16-year marriage with grace, with gratitude, and with their friendship not just intact — but deepened.

"I truly believe that because we went through your program, we both left the marriage not feeling like it failed at all. It felt like a successful 16-year venture that was just coming to an end. It was like saying goodbye to a friend because they’re moving away — instead of kicking someone out and throwing their things on the lawn."

They co-parent their twins. They text each other encouragement. Brad is doing beautifully — taking care of himself, working on his home, finally comfortable in his own skin. Mel wants nothing more than his happiness.

The program didn’t save their marriage the way they originally hoped. It did something better. It gave them the tools to honor what they had built — and to release it with love instead of wreckage.

That is a kind of success most people never get to experience.

Where Mel Is Now

Mel remarried. Her husband Matt is her primary partner and they share a comfortable, authentic polyamorous lifestyle together. She is two years into her psychology degree and leaning toward psychedelic therapy. She attended a neuroscience convention in Denver and didn’t feel like an imposter for a single moment.

She is looking at buying a home in Hawaii — with dreams of eventually starting or working at a small wellness retreat on the Big Island, where she wants to invite people to experience the kind of transformation she lived.

She told me on a recent call:

"I feel more myself and more happy with myself now than I did back in my 20s when I looked like I was in my 20s."

And then she said this — and I want you to really hear it:

"I feel like I’m an opportunity taker now. Whereas before I had a tendency to say ‘I don’t know how that’s going to work out.’ Now it’s like — you want to move to Hawaii? Let’s move to Hawaii. The more momentum I get going and getting things done, taking opportunities, the more momentum I’m gaining. It’s been a wild journey. And it is fantastic."

She still uses the tools every single day. She says she talks about them all the time.

Oh — and she upgraded her superhero answer. She is no longer just Aquaman (the hot one). She is now an opportunity taker heading to Hawaii to help heal people.

I think that’s a whole different level of superhero. Don’t you?

Is This Your Story Too?

Maybe you’re in a relationship right now that you’re fighting to save. Maybe you’re afraid of what it means if it doesn’t work out the way you planned.

Maybe you’re wondering if you’re even capable of the kind of relationship you actually want.

Mel’s story is for you.

Because here’s what I know after nearly 10,000 coaching hours: the work you do on yourself — the real, deep, courageous inner work — never goes to waste. Even if the relationship structure changes. Even if the outcome surprises you. Even if you end up somewhere completely different from where you started.

The tools follow you. The growth follows you. The person you become in the process? That person shows up in everything.

"The things I learned from you went way beyond just helping me be comfortable with my polyamorous self. You made a big impact. You are a cornerstone in where I am now."

I don’t share that to take credit for Mel’s extraordinary journey. She did the work. Every bit of it.

I share it because she is proof that it is never too late to find out who you really are. And that sometimes the most powerful thing a relationship can do — is show you the way home to yourself.

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Navigating the emotional landscape of open relationships? An ENM-aware coach or therapist can help you build the tools to thrive.

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