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He was terrified of losing him. Five years later… they’re engaged. 💍
Calvin was so afraid of losing the man he loved that he could not breathe. Five years later, he is engaged. A real story about trust and non-monogamy.
Photo by cottonbro studio on Pexels
Toronto. COVID. And a Fear That Wouldn’t Let Go.
Calvin discovered relationship coaching through the Jealousy Survival Guide book—a telling sign he actively pursued solutions rather than passively accepting his struggles. He was in a newer open relationship with Jeremy, his friend of nine years who had become his partner. Their foundation seemed solid, but geography created complications.
Jeremy lived in San Francisco while Calvin remained in Toronto. During COVID’s isolating peak, Jeremy saw another longtime friend weekly—a recently divorced man in love with Jeremy. Meanwhile, Calvin sat thousands of miles away, separated by a border, consumed by fear despite Jeremy’s transparency and reassurance.
Calvin wrote: "At times I feel secure about this. At other times I don’t feel secure and am anxious." The ruminating thoughts and sleepless nights plagued him as he wrestled with the visceral fear of losing someone irreplaceable.
What He’d Already Tried
Calvin had invested effort—reading books, talking with Jeremy, attending therapy. But his therapist’s approach backfired. Rather than providing tools, the counselor essentially encouraged Calvin to prepare for heartbreak, feeding his deepest anxiety instead of addressing it.
Calvin needed someone understanding ethical non-monogamy from lived experience, not someone pathologizing his desire for transparent partnership.
The Transformation
Working with coaching support, Calvin learned to interrupt anxious spirals before they dominated his thinking. He developed skills to distinguish between actual threats and stories his nervous system invented. He mastered communication techniques that deepened rather than strained his connection with Jeremy. Most importantly, he recognized insecurity as a skill gap rather than a character flaw.
Years later, unprompted, Calvin left a five-star review: "This program transformed me. I went from feeling lost and overwhelmed to confident and in control."
Where Calvin Is Now
Calvin and Jeremy are now engaged. The man Calvin feared would leave him for someone more physically present is the same man he’s planning to marry. Jeremy’s Facebook features this Heath Ledger quote: "Don’t let anyone ever make you feel you don’t deserve what you want."
Their love story is openly celebrated—a testament to choosing growth over fear.
Navigating the emotional landscape of open relationships? An ENM-aware coach or therapist can help you build the tools to thrive.
Original Post: Kitty
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