Bisexuality Through the Lens of Self Desire

Photo by Markus Winkler on Pexels

Part of me always knew that I was queer in some kind of way, even when I didn’t allow myself the opportunity to explore other people’s bodies due to fear, shame and religious programming. In addition to those negative factors, I believe the ‘sapphic delay’ so to speak, towards other woman in my life was because I was enveloped with my attraction to myself and my own body.

Not in a narcissistic or egotistical way, but in general fascination and curiosity. I had a genuine desire to provide pleasure for myself, admire myself, and experience my own body in ways that felt deeply intimate.

Kind of like how I always knew I was polyamorous, or at the very least non-monogamous, because the idea of “sharing” my man with another woman and allowing her to experience the care and pleasure he provides always felt like a beautiful, romantic thing to me rather than something to fear.

If I love a woman, of course I want her to experience the pleasure that I experience. If my man can provide that, then why not?

That line of thinking never made sense to most people around me, but it made perfect sense to me, and the same thing happened with my sexuality.

Today I have a fully realized orientation that I describe as queer and pansexual, but along my journey of exploring sexuality, I first landed on the title bisexual because it was the only label that explained what I was experiencing.

I possess a natural attraction to femininity almost as much as I do masculinity.

And the first woman I ever found myself deeply attracted to... was me.

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