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MY 39TH BIRTHDAY IS THIS FRIDAY, Oct.
Journal
Real stories from real people navigating the beautiful mess of non-monogamy. From first-date butterflies to jealousy spirals and everything in between—these writers are sharing their unfiltered journeys so you can learn, relate, and feel a little less alone in yours.
💌 Love Letters · 02 — There’s More to Polyamory Than Agreements + Worksheet
For Polyamory Loves + Therapists
Non-Monogamy Isn’t Just a Concept. It’s a Somatic Practice.
Grounding down, catching up on the wins, and doing the real relationship work from the inside out.
When Our Commitments Outpace Our Capacity
On rest, honoring the season, and finding a more sustainable rhythm
Secure Attachment to Self
A Necessity for Building Healthy, Happy Relationships with Others
Why are we afraid of loneliness?
Does being alone have to mean being lonely? I don’t believe being alone and being lonely are always synonymous. In my experience (and clinical understanding), b
The Difference Between Being Okay and Being a Yes
On nervous system regulation, accommodation, and finding out what you actually want in non-monogamy
Masculine/Feminine Energy: An Intro Without the Woo
Masculine and feminine “energy” gets thrown around a lot but it is rarely explained.. Here's the no-nonsense, no-incense version of what it actually means,
You Are Allowed to Need Reassurance
When reassurance helps us feel less alone, when it becomes a plea for rescue from uncertainty, and how we can let other people care for us when we’re struggling
Why Hot Girls Have Tummy Issues
The Brain-Gut Connection
Don't Let Your Protectors Make Your Biggest Relationship Decisions
The difference between reacting from protection and choosing from Self
The 5 Hidden Distortions Bleeding into Your Relationships
(And How to Unveil Them)
When Your Partner Gives You More Grace Than You Can Give Back
The surprising vulnerability that can emerge when your partner encourages you to date someone else
At Capacity
Expanding the definition of "polysaturation". Or do we need another word?
Finding the Balance Between “Me” and “We”
A Necessity for Transitioning to Non-Monogamy
Non-Monogamy Creates Personal Growth
As a therapist who works with consensual non-monogamy (CNM), I’ve seen it function really beautifully. I also know that it can be challenging. That’s because, i
When Someone Else's Feelings Become Your Compass
Why non-monogamy often reveals the places we've confused love with emotional responsibility
Setting Boundaries Is Hard, Even for a Therapist
I'm a therapist who teaches boundaries for a living, and I still struggle to set my own. Here are the three hardest ones and what I do about them.
What If It Doesn't Mean What You Think It Means?
Why our nervous system rushes to certainty—and what becomes possible when we don't
The Fear of Being ‘Too Much’ Sexually
Written by: Tamar Simone Weir Is it too much, am I too much or not enough? What's the "right" amount of this or of that and is there such a thing? Good question
5 Things I Learned By Decentering Romance
How an intentional year without dating changed my life - for the better.
Part 2: Why the Need for Space Can Intensify Fears of Abandonment
Exploring the other side of the safety–freedom tension in non-monogamy: the partner who moves toward space when fear activates
The Sovereignty of "No"
Reclaiming the Space Between Connection and Self-Abandonment
Dear Reader: Please, Stop Using AI for Relationship Advice.
If you follow me at all, I doubt the title of this article will surprise you.
Why slut tho?
On sexless slut eras and sex as validation.
Unpacking the Layers
Yin, Svadhaya and the Rebellion of Stillness
The Forever Tension Between Safety and Freedom in Non-Monogamy
Part 1 of 2: Why fear of disconnection can quietly turn into protest, pressure, and panic
Quiet Tantrums
Last week I did something impulsive. I felt angry and lonely. Or as my fellow submissive friend has described it, my spiteful baby mode was activated.
When Autonomy Becomes Distance in Non-Monogamy
How avoidant attachment can quietly shape the kinds of non-monogamous relationships we build
Escape the Anxiety Spiral
In Polyamory
Podcast Interview: Maria Palumbo, Sex, Love, Trauma Coach, and Therapist
Kitty Chambliss sits down with sex, love, and trauma coach Maria Palumbo to explore how attachment wounds shape our experiences in ethical non-monogamy.
Why Some Neurodivergent People Struggle to Fully “Arrive” in Polyamory
The challenges of multi-partner attentional switching, and the practices that can help create more presence and nervous system recovery to support ADHD and more
Your Family Doesn't Have to Approve of Your Love Life. Here's How to Stop Needing Them To.
How to protect your peace when your family judges your relationships: navigating opinions, managing the need for approval, and staying true to yourself.
Cheaters As People Pleasers
On control, complicity, and the problematic violence we romanticize when relationships fall apart.
Women are expected to be “cool” about everything
Cool with bad communication. Cool with being deprioritized. Cool with everything. And if you're not? You're difficult. Enough of that.
New Relationship Energy Is Intoxicating. But What Are You Actually Chasing?
On self-worth, validation, and why non-monogamy will expose every crack in your foundation, whether you're ready or not.
People Pleasing
People-pleasing is a trauma response that destroys your boundaries — and in non-monogamy, it multiplies harm across every relationship you hold.
The Subtle Trap of “If They Change, I’ll Be Okay”
Why outsourcing your emotional stability creates a fragile non-monogamous relationship ecosystem
Podcast Interview: Ryle Kestano, Experienced Relationship Author and Creative
Kitty Chambliss talks with relationship author Ryle Kestano about authentic connection, inner healing, and what ethical non-monogamy looks like in real life.
Finding Peace in Love & Relationships
I made this video a year ago (after a break up of my own) during a series on the Yamas and Niyamas in relationships.
There Is Nothing Wrong With You
On villainizing yourself for who you are and finally, slowly, letting that go
Why Your Body Still Struggles (Even When You Want An Open Relationship)
Your mind chose non-monogamy but your nervous system is still catching up. Aria Diana explains the somatic gap — and how to gently close it.
The Mirror Effect
New connections in non-monogamy often reflect dormant parts of yourself back to you. Luna Rose on what those mirrors reveal — and how to use them.
Podcast Interview: Mariko Sakai, Women Empowerment and Sexuality Coach
Kitty Chambliss interviews Mariko Sakai on sovereign feminine energy, Female-Led Relationships, and thriving in ethical non-monogamy communities.
Why Trying to Create Symmetry in Non-Monogamy Can Backfire
The hidden trap of scheduling symmetrical dates to soothe your nervous system
feeling held by the pink
Written by: Tamar Simone Weir on February 24, 2022 The petals falling rhythmically to their own beat A chorus of movement The stickiness of body under these t
Erotic Autonomy: Why Your Erotic Energy Is a Spiritual Guide, Not a Relationship Problem
What if your erotic energy is a guide drawing you through life?
Learning to Pause Without Panic in Open Relationships
A somatic guide to interrupting survival momentum, restoring regulation after conflict, and supporting long-term sustainability in non-monogamy
Will You Hold My Anger, Daddy?
Inherited rage, a Daddy kink, and the question of whether any man can truly hold the weight of intergenerational abandonment and girlhood harm.
If it hurts, that's not the way
Non-monogamy shouldn't be a source of ongoing pain. If it is, something's wrong — and it's not you for wanting better. Here's what to look at.
From Relationship Check-Ins to Relationship Tending
If your non-monogamy check-ins feel like performance reviews, it may be a design problem. Here's how to lead with the body, not the agenda.
The Hidden Cost of Protecting Your Partner
Most people think they’re protecting their partner by holding back the truth—but often, it creates distance instead of connection. This post explores the ba
Why Your Metamour Feels Like a Threat Before You Even Know Them
Attachment alarm, cultural conditioning, and the nervous system stories we write when love expands beyond exclusivity
Did you give yourself enough time, but really tho ?
Written by: Tamar Simone Weir You hear people say "slow the fuck down", and what does it mean? Why do we need to slow down when the world is moving so fast, and
When Safety Was Broken: Rebuilding Trust After Relational Trauma in Non-Monogamy
When your partner caused the rupture, the nervous system treats them as a threat. A somatic guide to rebuilding trust after lies and broken agreements.
5 Signs You Lack Emotional Awareness in Non-Monogamy
Let me tell you a secret: in my first non-monogamous relationship (which was 10 years ago now!), I did NOT handle my partner’s jealousy well at all 🫥
Wanting Men After Trauma
A PTSD diagnosis, graduate school in gender-based violence, and still wanting men. One woman searches for a story that makes desire feel like courage, not.
The Slippery Thing About Limerence
Limerence and NRE are dirty words these days. But let's not do away with deliciousness altogether, eh?
shame lives in our body, SO i'm taking it one day at a time
Written by: Tamar Simone Weir Artwork done by: Vidushi Yadav When it comes to sexual health, desires, communication, and sexual joy, what I see happen often is
Polyamory Isn’t a Pie — But Time Is Indeed Finite
A nervous-system-first reframe for scarcity, structure, and getting honest about what we need for secure non-monogamy
Just Because It Feels Dangerous, That Doesn’t Always Mean It Is.
If you grew up being taught things like "Your partner loving someone else means they don't love you and you are deficient as a person", of course you would find
The Birthday That Changed the Pattern
On self abandonment and why my birthday used to hurt
Feelings Don’t Always Require Action
Your feelings of jealousy don't have to mean your partner needs to immediately stop what they are doing.
Consent Isn’t Just “Yes or No”
The importance of learning the language of embodied choice in non-monogamy
A Life of My Own: Choosing Solitude and Certainty
After years of chasing connection, one man chose something different: a deliberate, peaceful withdrawal from romantic pursuit — not from bitterness, but from.
Can You Be ‘Too Traumatised’ For Polyamory?
One of the most common questions I get from polyamorous clients is, “Can you be too traumatised for polyamory?” The short answer: it’s up to you. The long answe
Are Most Non-Monogamous People In Western Society Emotionally Unavailable?
Are Most Non-Monogamous People In Western Society Emotionally Unavailable?
Dear N; a letter written in 2020
Written by: Tamar Simone Weir Note: The photos included in this blog are photos from 2020 era and I am using a pseudonym for the purpose of not putting every de
Intellectualising vs Internalising in Polyamorous Relationships
If you still feel jealous despite having done a ton of research about polyamory, the reason is simple: there's a world of difference between intellectualising a
How Sibling Rivalries Can Influence Metamour Dynamics
I have a theory that if you are a polyamorous person who grew up with siblings, how you respond to your partner's other partners is directly linked to how you w
The Quiet Difference Between Safety and Regulation
When agreements manage anxiety instead of supporting connection
Offense vs. Defense: The Hidden Game Playing Out in Every Relationship
I’m not a big one for sports analogies, but at my last retreat, during the final integration ceremony, a couple shared something that everyone in the room u
Trauma-Informed Polyamory
We don't talk enough about the fact that just because your BRAIN logically wants and understands polyamory, it doesn't mean your BODY has caught up to the value
Feeling Needed vs Wanted in Polyamory
If your sense of worth grew from being relied upon, polyamory will challenge you. Being freely chosen — not depended on — is the real gift.
Feelings Don’t Always Require Action (And That’s Okay)
Feelings don't always need a reaction. In polyamory, learning to sit with discomfort instead of acting on it immediately changes everything.
The Shame Series, Module 2
Religion, family systems, and early environments wire shame into us before we can name it. Explore how that conditioning shapes the way you love and relate.
Tryna Push Through
Coach Tiff gets radically honest about burnout, self-doubt, and the question every exhausted entrepreneur asks: is any of this actually worth it?
Introducing Durable Relationship Energy
A new way to think about long-term bonds Have you heard the term “new relationship energy?” It’s commonly used in consensual non-monogamy (CNM) circles, and it
The Shame Series, Module 1
Shame is learned, not innate. Discover how religion, family systems, and social control plant shame in us early — and why so many adults still carry it.
Baby I’m Worth it
Lately, I’ve been noticing a theme weaving through my conversations, coaching sessions, and what I’ve been watching; the complicated, often unspoken dance b
What Therapy Really Is
Thoughts from a licensed therapist.
Morning-After Shame: Why It Hits So Hard (and How to Talk Back)
On a recent podcast, one of the topics that (unsurprisingly) came up was the shame (or guilt) that can sneak in after a big, fun weekend. You know the one:
For the “Cool Girls” in Polyamory
“I don’t want to be a burden, or too much for them…”“They’re telling me that how I feel is wrong…”“I’m scared they’ll leave if I tell them what I truly think…”
Being Polyamorous in a Monogamous Relationship
We don't talk enough about the fact that you can align with polyamorous values and enjoy the idea of polyamory, maybe even identify as polyamorous in your heart
Erotic Autonomy
Let’s think beyond monogamy and polyamory.
Being a People Pleaser in Polyamory
We don't talk enough about the fact that exploring polyamory is so much harder when you have people pleasing tendencies. Does this sound like you?
How People Pleasing Happens In Polyamory
People pleasing is common in relationships, but is especially harmful in polyamory. If you struggle to say no, avoid hard conversations, or downplay your needs,
Mirror Work, Part 2: Sensual Mirror Work
Sensual mirror work, as I like to call it, is the practice of using the mirror to create a loving mood.
Mirror Work, Pt. 1 - Learning to Love What You See
Do you avoid your reflection or pick it apart? Coach Tiff introduces mirror work, Louise Hay's self-love practice for building a kinder relationship with.
A Threesome With You, Your Partner, and Despair
Invite grief into your bedroom.
Polyamory and The Struggle Of Uncertainty
Do you get anxious when you think about trying something new or making a big change? That’s okay, most people do. And doing non-monogamy for the first time when
The beauty in letting go
In the beginning I thought ENM was all about adding new relationships—new play, new people, new experiences - but lately, I’ve been thinking more about subt
When Helping Can Come From Emotional Avoidance
If your partner is struggling emotionally, and your first instinct is to try to rescue them or fix the issue, stop and think: are you doing this because you act
Why Do We Date Our Parents?
Have you ever looked at your partner (or situationship) and thought, “damn, this person is just like my dad?” (or mom.
Love Is A Risk
“There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to m
How to keep fucking when the world is fucking you
A little something for all of us right now.
What If Polyamorous People ARE Ugly?
If you’re a polyamorous person who is online, chances are you’ve been called ugly regardless of your actual perceived level of attractiveness. Instead of respon
The Heartbreak of Polyamorous Holidays
Holding space for the polyamorous people this holiday season whose partners aren't/can't be out to family as polyamorous, or whose family only recognise their m
Lies you were told about being in a relationship
Let’s just get right into it.
We Shouldn't Have Fallen in Love - Part 1
A raw account of falling for a monogamous man while practicing ENM — how NRE and love bombing can silence your intuition even when every warning sign is.
Co-dependency is Killing your Relationship
Love and need are not the same thing. Learn to spot codependent patterns early, set boundaries, and build relationships where both people remain whole.
"Emotional (Un)Availability"
Why are women expected to be endlessly emotionally available while their own needs go ignored? A real conversation about the double standard.
I Have Feelings
I have feelings. They are not easily hurt but they have been bruised too many times to count. They have learned to guard themselves. They have been taught that
What we're NOT gonna do this year...
Situationships, self-abandonment, and bad communication habits — here's the dating baggage we're leaving at the door this year. For real.
Why I Am Obsessed with Relationships
From shaving her head and hitchhiking across the US at 18, to reopening her heart to love. A personal story of isolation, healing, and the courage to connect.
It Might Be Grief
If you can’t put your finger on why something feels wrong because no one is doing anything wrong, but you’re certain there’s something behind that wrong feeling
What is Personal Dissonance & Why Do We Need It?
The post What is Personal Dissonance & Why Do We Need It? appeared first on Leanne Million Coaching.
Don’t Move In When You’re in NRE
The post Don’t Move In When You’re in NRE appeared first on Leanne Million Coaching.
The Truth About Self-Love
The post The Truth About Self-Love appeared first on Leanne Million Coaching.
Apologies Are For Other People, Not For You
A strange thing happened to me the other day. I received a notification of a new message request, and opened it to find a lengthy message from a girl who I was
Forgiving Yourself in Relationships
Folks navigating relationships in a monoamorous framework benefit from a wealth of resources related to their journey. In non-monogamy we’re often left using a
Change Takes Courage
The post Change Takes Courage appeared first on Leanne Million Coaching.
What Stories Do You Tell Yourself?
The post What Stories Do You Tell Yourself? appeared first on Leanne Million Coaching.
Abandonment Issues? Me?
The post Abandonment Issues? Me? appeared first on Leanne Million Coaching.
Two Types of People in a Relationship
There are two types of people in a relationship; Collectors and Investors. Collectors WANT something from you; it might be romance, intimacy, friendship but
When Your Abusive Relationship is with Yourself
The post When Your Abusive Relationship is with Yourself appeared first on Leanne Million Coaching.
Surrender to Success
I was BROKE, living off my credit cards and just hoping the car would make it through the winter. It was utterly exhausting being overwhelmed with the burden of
Pain, Sleep Issues, Emotional Reactivity: Your Body is Screaming, You Aren’t Listening
If you’re like me, you might be dealing with chronic physical, emotional or mental pain on a fairly regular basis. How do we hear that pain? Do we hear it as a
Feelings Are Not Facts
Hey, how are you all? I’m okay . . . mostly. This is a strange time, yeah? If you struggle here and there with anxiety, wrestle with the old ghosts of a trauma
Guest Blog: Acting out of Trust vs. Fear
Fear. Outside of our basic survival instincts, fear is perhaps the number one motivator for the human race. Maybe for all sentient life. Acting out of fear rar
Imposter Syndrome: I am so bad at poly!!
I suffer from Imposter Syndrome: the phenomenon of feeling like you suck at something regardless of evidence to the contrary. That label rings true for me when
Scarcity and Abundance Mindsets
I reference mindsets in non-monogamy a lot. In particular, the effect a scarcity mindset can have on how one approaches relationships, both in seeking and maint
The Heart is a Muscle
The heart is a muscle. That’s a statement of obvious anatomy, but I think of the metaphorical heart as a muscle as well. One that flexes and contracts with a sm
Self-Love Languages
Lately, I’ve become enamored with the idea that we have a language we prefer to care for ourselves in. If you’re not familiar with The 5 Love Languages, take a
Sometimes I’m Lonely
There are those outside of the non-monogamous community who see it as a sure-fire cure for loneliness. All the partners all the time! Lol, no. I am here to tell
Gratitude
I recently had an epiphany related to an insecurity I have. I fear losing what I don't actively attach to when access to that thing is under the control of some
Partnership
Not too long ago, I was asked what the term "partner" meant to me. I think I said it was feeling like I was part of a team working towards the common goal of a
