The Scary Side of the Lifestyle
Halloween is Swinger Christmas, but this year I’m turning the lights on in the haunted house. The ghosting, the cost, the comparison trap, and yes, the three le
Lauren Hayes
ENM & Swinging Lifestyle Coach
Lauren is a relationship coach specializing in supporting ENM couples, including swingers, and the ENM-curious. Trained in both life (Co-Active) and relationship (Gottman, level 1) coaching, she assists couples in navigating and engaging the swinging and non-monogamous community in the healthiest ways.
Coaching
ENM & Swinging Lifestyle Coach
Lauren is a relationship coach specializing in supporting ENM couples, including swingers, and the ENM-curious. Trained in both life (Co-Active) and relationship (Gottman, level 1) coaching, she assists couples in navigating and engaging the swinging and non-monogamous community in the healthiest ways.
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Lifestyle Events 101: How to Get the Most Out of Your Trip
"I got railed last night." That's the kind of conversation you only get at a lifestyle event. Here's how to actually get the most out of yours from packing
Masculine/Feminine Energy: An Intro Without the Woo
Masculine and feminine “energy” gets thrown around a lot but it is rarely explained.. Here's the no-nonsense, no-incense version of what it actually means,
Does a Threesome make you Non-Monogamous? My Hot Take.
If a married couple has a threesome a few times a year, are they non-monogamous? Some would say yes. I'm not so sure. In this post I'm unpacking the differe
The Four Agreements & Ethical Non-Monogamy
Don Miguel Ruiz wasn't talking about open relationships when he wrote his short book — but he could have been. Here's why The Four Agreements might be the m
Is ENM Like Opening Pandora's Box?
The Pandora's box story has become shorthand for a fear a lot of couples carry into ENM: once you open it, you can't close it. But there’s more to that stor
What "Conscious Swinging" Actually Means (And Why I Keep Using That Word)
I've been using the phrase "conscious swinging" for a while now, and it always creates a pause. A small recalibration. Maybe because the two words seem at o
Lauren and The Amazing, Ridiculous, So Good, Very Surprising Sex
A slightly awkward dinner, an unexpected tincture, and an early exit led to the most transcendent smexual experience of Lauren's life. The story, the lesson
The Art of the Real Apology (And Why Most of Us Are Doing It Wrong)
Most of us think we're decent apologizers. We say sorry, we mean it, and we move on. But there's a significant difference between apologizing at someone and
The Hidden Cost of Protecting Your Partner
Most people think they’re protecting their partner by holding back the truth—but often, it creates distance instead of connection. This post explores the ba
From Default to Design: The Courage to Choose Your Relationship
After listening to a powerful episode of Esther Perel’s Where Shall We Begin, I found myself thinking about jealousy, relationship scripts, and the courage
The Cruise That Changed My Mind
On my first lifestyle cruise, I discovered it wasn’t just about fun — it was about community, openness, and how ethical non-monogamy strengthens relationshi
Offense vs. Defense: The Hidden Game Playing Out in Every Relationship
I’m not a big one for sports analogies, but at my last retreat, during the final integration ceremony, a couple shared something that everyone in the room u
The Sex Drive Mismatch: Why ENM Can Make It More Obvious, Not Less
Sex drive mismatches are incredibly common in long-term relationships, monogamous or non. But when couples step into ethical non-monogamy or the swinging li
Baby I’m Worth it
Lately, I’ve been noticing a theme weaving through my conversations, coaching sessions, and what I’ve been watching; the complicated, often unspoken dance b
Morning-After Shame: Why It Hits So Hard (and How to Talk Back)
On a recent podcast, one of the topics that (unsurprisingly) came up was the shame (or guilt) that can sneak in after a big, fun weekend. You know the one:
The Afterglow: What Happens After Play?
When most couples start exploring the lifestyle, the focus is usually on what happens before and during play: setting boundaries, choosing partners, navigat
Cap d’Agde: My Unfiltered Review
At some point in the lifestyle, most people hear about this place - Cap d’Agde. A tiny town on the Mediterranean in southern France with an entire gated nei
Great Play Starts with Great Agreements
Some people hear the word agreements or boundaries and think of rules, restrictions, or a list of “don’ts.” I see them differently. Agreements are an act o
Desire, Not Duty: Honoring Your Yes (and Your No)
One of the most important things I teach is this: you are never obligated to play. Ever. In swinging, the only expectation should be mutual enthusiasm. And
The beauty in letting go
In the beginning I thought ENM was all about adding new relationships—new play, new people, new experiences - but lately, I’ve been thinking more about subt
