SELF CARE

Lies you were told about being in a relationship

Let’s just get right into it.

DECEMBER 18, 2024

Lies you were told about being in a relationship

Let’s just get right into it. Don’t believe the following bullshit you were told about being in a relationship.

You'll "just know" when you find "the one."

First of all, there is no "one." This is just a myth, and the sooner you release yourself from the confines of attempting to find your “perfect match,” the better dating (and being in a relationship) will be.

There are so many factors, such as anxiety and trauma, that make it super difficult - or impossible - to rely on a fleeting feeling of "knowing" if that person will work for you. And that’s okay.

If you often experience relational anxiety, searching for the feeling of finding “the one” will likely cause even more anxiety. I encourage you to slow down, take some deep breaths, and simply assess for if you are enjoying your time together right now. If you are, great! That’s all the information you need to continue a relationship.

The honeymoon period determines if it's a good relationship or not.

Actually, the honeymoon period - that “gotta have it” beginning of a relationship that can last anywhere from 3 months to 2 years(!) - is your brain on drugs. It’s so fun! But, it’s not a great way to determine whether the relationship will be satisfying. What will help the relationship be satisfying long-term are shared values and lifestyles and a commitment to growing together.

The sex is always great.

It is guaranteed that you will have satisfying and unsatisfying sex with your partner - even if you are overall happy in the relationship! So much goes into whether sex is satisfying, and it is normal for sexual desire to ebb and flow. Try not to get too caught up in whether the sex is "always" great or not. It is more important to pay attention to whether it is overall satisfying, including the times when it might just be meh.

You will never trigger each other.

Your partnership will be one of your greatest teachers, likely by triggering the fuck out of you. What a gift that is!

A mutually satisfying relationship can be the safe container in which to grow and move through many of these triggers. Our partnerships are so important to us, and that means it will be difficult when challenging things arise. This gives us an opportunity to look at our growth areas, and commit to working on them and better show up for our relationships. As humans, we will always have some growth areas; there is no such thing as “fully healed.”

Focus on communicating, repairing, and taking care of yourselves to move through triggers, instead of attempting to avoid them altogether.

It's supposed to be hard.

Overall, your relationship shouldn't feel painful. And it definitely should not make you feel less than or picked on.

Relationships of all kinds take effort and work for them to be satisfying - that is to be expected. But if your relationship consistently feels difficult, hard, and painful, it might be time to re-evaluate.