Non-Monogamy Isn’t Just a Concept. It’s a Somatic Practice.

Ok Friends, yes its October, and I’ve been a lil quiet over here in the Substack streets, but I’m slowly finding a bit of balance. The 200HR & 300HR kicked off in September while I had back to school, quit my day job as manager at the Spa, taking care of my momma, getting my kiddos back into basketball. This lil enby baddie has been POOPED. That’s just real talk.

But it’s officially fall and spooky season (my fave) and here’s what’s been going on in Javi’s World. Take a deep breath and let’s catch up friend….

WIN: We Made the City Paper! 📰

If you missed it: yeaaa yup….ya favorite got featured in the Pittsburgh City Paper.

Seeing my work over tghe past 10 years come together and in print like this.. UNMATCHED. IT made me cry, it made me feel like this is actually IT. I was proud and also speechless. (Sage if you are reading this, you did your thang!). It was such a beautifully written article, a vulnerable share and it absolutely made me feel like a million bucks (honestly half the time I feel like what i do doesn’t make sense and comes off as me just rambling - so Im glad when it resonates with you all).

Getting to actually give my lil 2 cents on real somatic work, accessibility and truly living our lives and loving on our own terms felt OH so good. Biggest win, the article was written by a Polyamorous person after taking my Spicy Couples Workshop. (which is coming back soon).

Read it, share it, send it to your folks: [Pittsburgh City Paper Article Link]. Huge love to everyone who blew up my phone with screenshots, pics, and grabbed the physical copy when it dropped. (Ya’ll are the REAL MVPs)

Credit: CP illustration: Jeff Schreckengost

School Is in Full Swing

HONEY, I cannot even lie to y’all. Balancing school, running a business, keeping myself, my clients and my kids regulated. All while trying to just take care of myself and function each day. Has been challenging. Lately life seems a bit harder since the autism and adhd diagnosis really settled in and being a functional human being is testing every single nerve ending I have. Truly having to learn and try to apply what im learning in real time to support myself.

There are days when my brain wants to shut down before it’s even lunchtime. But this season is about real Tapas—not that toxic “hustle till you collapse” BS, but actually building capacity and showing up for what matters without abandoning yourself in the process. And it’s a pretty intense practice.

Moving Beyond the Cognitive Rules

Now let’s talk about what we will be addressing in this season—relationship design.

In my opinion, a lot of folks enter non-monogamy and treat it like an intellectual puzzle. Like most relationships. We grabbing all the books, listening to all the experts and making agreements to do ENM right.

Then reality hits. This shit ain’t gone really work in real time. Like in the actual moment.

Because triggers do not live in your prefrontal cortex. They live in your body.

The tight throat. The shallow chest breathing. That sudden, sick drop in your stomach when fear of abandonment kicks in. You cannot think your way out of a nervous system that thinks it’s dying. And we can KNOW all the tools, and reasons why we are struggling and without the proper tools, what are we actually going to do?

That’s the gap we’re closing:

• Staying in your body when jealousy hits instead of dissociating or lashing out

• Communicating while activated without turning defensive

• Setting boundaries from genuine self-trust rather than sheer panic

You can’t building sustainable love until you build somatic safety.

So as we continue this journey. We look at what practices we can access without having to think about it too much, cuz thinking can just be too much, we need to be able to feel and have easy tools that work for us to support us in the moment.

Step Into the Work

We’ve got real work to do, but we gone keep it grounded.

1:1 sessions, constellation coaching, and relational somatic resources are officially open. If you are tired of looping in your head and ready to actually feel safe in your connections, tap in:

👉 [Request a Session]

Claim Your Wins

Beyond the article and the syllabus checkmarks, the biggest win is just remaining anchored in yourself.

Don’t wait for your calendar to clear up before you let yourself celebrate. Life doesn’t slow down; we just learn how to hold our center inside the noise. Whether your win this week was huge or you simply drank water, took your meds, and got out of bed: claim that mfkn win.

I’m thankful to be loved.

How is October greeting you so far? Let me know in the comments. And if you are non-monogamous, what are you currently struggling with?

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