The Jealousy Series: 8 Podcast Episodes on Jealousy in Open Relationships and Polyamory
If you have ever lain awake at 3am, heart pounding, wondering what is wrong with you for feeling this way, I want you to hear this first: nothing is wrong with
Journal
Real stories from real people navigating the beautiful mess of non-monogamy. From first-date butterflies to jealousy spirals and everything in between—these writers are sharing their unfiltered journeys so you can learn, relate, and feel a little less alone in yours.
More Than One in Five Single Americans Have Tried Consensual Non-Monogamy. Here’s What Nobody Tells Them About Jealousy.
Hello Loving Without Boundaries Community! Research published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy found that more than one in five single American adults re
Why Don’t I Feel Happy for My Partner’s Other Relationships? (Even Though I Want To)
Nothing is wrong with you if you don’t feel happy for your partner’s other relationship yet. That feeling everyone talks about — compersion, the warm, genuine j
I Was Featured in Authority Magazine, And I Want You to Read It
Beautiful people, I have to share something with you. A few weeks ago, Authority Magazine featured me in a piece called “Five Things You Need To Create a Highly
Am I Jealous or Am I Envious? Why the Difference Actually Matters
Most people use “jealous” as a catch-all word for every uncomfortable feeling that shows up when a partner is out living their non-monogamous life. But jealousy
My Jealousy Reading List Is Now Live on BookDNA
Hello Loving Without Boundaries Community! I got to do something fun this week: I built a curated reading list on a platform called BookDNA, five books I actual
What’s the Difference Between Jealousy and an Actual Red Flag?
Here’s the question underneath the question: is what I’m feeling telling me something true about right now, or is it telling me something true about what happen
What Books Should I Read If I’m Struggling With Jealousy In My Open Relationship?
Hello Loving Without Boundaries Community! I get asked this constantly. Someone’s just found their way into this life — open, polyamorous, ethically non-monogam
My Partner Says They Can’t Reassure Me Enough — Am I Asking Too Much?
No, you’re not asking too much. But something in the pattern probably does need to shift — and the shift isn’t “ask for less.” It’s “get some of what you need f
Ask Luna Rose: The Questions I Get Asked Most
On falling for the wrong person, the metamour you can't warm to, and what to do when your partner's new connection is going better than yours.
Does Jealousy in Non-Monogamy Ever Go Away, or Do You Just Manage It Forever?
Here’s the honest answer, not the one that sells better: it doesn’t fully go away. Not at five years in, not at twenty. And I want you to hear that as relief, n
When the Tables Turn
What non-monogamy teaches us when we find ourselves on the other side of desire, jealousy, and uncertainty
Is Jealousy Proof I’m Not Cut Out for Polyamory?
No. And I want to say that clearly, right up front, because I have heard some version of “maybe I’m just not built for this” on more intake calls than I can cou
You Are Allowed to Need Reassurance
When reassurance helps us feel less alone, when it becomes a plea for rescue from uncertainty, and how we can let other people care for us when we’re struggling
Introducing: Letters to Luna: Your ENM Questions, Answered Honestly
Starting this month, I'm opening up something new for paid subscribers!
How Do I Stop the 3am Jealousy Spiral When I’m Lying Next to My Sleeping Partner?
If you’re staring at the ceiling at 2:45 in the morning, crying, and you can’t even explain why — nothing is wrong with you. This isn’t proof your relationship
The Erotics of Almost Hating Someone
On enemies-to-lovers, queer desire, and the fine line between eroticizing jealousy and letting competition win the relationship.
I’m Polyamorous and I Still Get Jealous. Is Something Wrong with Me?
I’m Polyamorous and I Still Get Jealous. Is Something Wrong with Me?
Why Does My Partner’s Date Make Me Spiral, Even When I Trust Them?
Trust and jealousy are not opposites — you can trust your partner completely and still feel your stomach drop the moment they walk out the door for a date. That
Don't Let Your Protectors Make Your Biggest Relationship Decisions
The difference between reacting from protection and choosing from Self
Nobody in Non-Monogamy "Doesn't Get Jealous." Here's What We Actually Mean.
Thoughts on how to express jealousy instead of avoiding it.
10 Signs You Are A Secure Polyamorous Person
1. You don’t let other people’s opinions about your love define its validity. 2. You don’t shame yourself for experiencing jealousy. 3. You listen and don’t t
Polyamory Doesn’t Mean Accepting Disrespect.
Just because your partner has another partner, it doesn’t mean you should tolerate being deprioritised or neglected. Just because your partner has another part
When Someone Else Gets the Version of Your Partner You've Been Missing
Why some of the deepest jealousy in long-term non-monogamy isn't about the new relationship at all
The Opportunity in Conflict
The necessity of friction and repair in achieving true intimacy.
Escape the Anxiety Spiral
In Polyamory
The Subtle Trap of “If They Change, I’ll Be Okay”
Why outsourcing your emotional stability creates a fragile non-monogamous relationship ecosystem
Three stories. One truth. You don’t have to figure this out alone.
Three real client stories — Diana, Calvin, and Gina — and what they all discovered about navigating ethical non-monogamy without going it alone.
The Kind of Jealousy That Doesn’t Feel Like Jealousy
When nothing is wrong but your body still feels unsteady, that quiet disorientation might be jealousy in disguise. Here is what to do with it.
The Line Between Jealousy and Protection
And how to hold both at once.
She’d been healing her whole life. As she approached her 60’s, she finally found the missing piece.
Gina spent decades healing — therapy, books, workshops. Then, approaching 60, she found what had always been missing. A real story about ENM and transformation.
Managing Jealousy Collaborativley in Polyamory
With Megan Veaudry of Non Monogamy Coaching Vancouver
Compersion: The Emotion Nobody Taught Us
Compersion sounds made up until you actually feel it. Luna Rose traces her honest path from jealousy to genuine joy at her partner being happy with others.
He was terrified of losing him. Five years later… they’re engaged. 💍
Calvin was so afraid of losing the man he loved that he could not breathe. Five years later, he is engaged. A real story about trust and non-monogamy.
What To Actually Do When Jealousy Hits
A practical toolkit for the moments when your chest tightens and your brain goes offline
“I thought I was arriving to save my relationship — but that’s not what happened at all…”
Diana arrived ready to save her relationship. What she found instead was herself. A real story about open relationships, identity, and transformation.
5 Things I Wish I Knew About Non-Monogamy
Jealousy won't disappear, alignment matters more than rules, and opening up never fixes a shaky foundation. Five honest lessons from lived non-monogamy.
How Handling Jealousy in Polyamory Goes Wrong - And How To Avoid It
In polyamory (and relationships in general), with freedom comes responsibility. If you want to connect with multiple people, you also have to be prepared to sup
Jealousy in Polyamory: Rain on the Parade
Something we don't talk enough about in polyamory is how there is this subtle pressure not to "rain on your partner's parade" - and that can lead some people to
5 Signs You Lack Emotional Awareness in Non-Monogamy
Let me tell you a secret: in my first non-monogamous relationship (which was 10 years ago now!), I did NOT handle my partner’s jealousy well at all 🫥
Compersion Isn’t The Opposite of Jealousy
Compersion is the feeling of empathetic, vicarious joy that some non-monogamous people feel when they see a partner being happy with someone else. It is not nec
Your Partner’s Jealousy Is Not A Personal Attack
I don't know who needs to hear this, but your partner experiencing jealousy or insecurity over the things that you're doing with other people is NOT the same as
I Won’t Be a Masochist to Keep You
When my partner said the sex that worked for him now involved pain, I had to decide how much of myself I would contort to keep a decade-long love.
Just Because It Feels Dangerous, That Doesn’t Always Mean It Is.
If you grew up being taught things like "Your partner loving someone else means they don't love you and you are deficient as a person", of course you would find
Jealousy: Our Over-Protective Friend
The goal in non-monogamy isn't to deal with jealousy — it's to befriend it. An ENM coach explains what it means to build a real relationship with your.
Why Watching Your Partner Get Hit On Can Feel So Hot
Seeing someone want your partner and feeling turned on instead of threatened? That spark has a name — eroticized competition — and the psychology behind it.
How To Support A Jealous Partner
If your partner gets jealous and you don't, the absolute worst thing you can do when they're going through it is shame them for having their feelings.
Stop Suppressing Your Jealousy - Here’s How You Actually Deal With It
"How do I stop feeling jealous?" is the wrong question to ask. When we feel uncomfortable, it's natural to want the feeling to stop, but this can very easily sl
Stop Taking Things Personally In Polyamory
The best thing you can do for your non-monogamous journey is learn not to take things personally - especially when it comes to what your partner is doing with o
Feelings Don’t Always Require Action
Your feelings of jealousy don't have to mean your partner needs to immediately stop what they are doing.
Nuanced Non-Monogamy: Two Things Can Be True
I’m bringing the NUANCE, baby! Let’s try to hold more space for all the beautiful complexity of human relationships and think critically when engaging with cont
Loving Without Owning
Most of us learn that love means possession, but commitment built on ongoing choice runs deeper than ownership ever could. A practical guide to loving.
So What If Your Feelings Are Irrational?
Having “irrational” feelings while adjusting to non-monogamy is okay and normal. However, your feelings still deserve to be treated with compassion and care, ev
Is Your Partner Mismanaging Their New Relationship Energy (NRE)?
Your partner is responsible for managing their own feelings of New Relationship Energy, and if they are deprioritising or neglecting you in the process of chasi
The Night Non-Monogamy Becomes Real
Your partner walks out the door for their first outside date — and nothing prepares you for that moment. Here is what to expect emotionally.
Jealousy Isn’t the Problem, Silence Is
Jealousy in polyamory is just information — it is the silence around it that causes real damage. Why naming what you feel changes everything.
Having More Partners Doesn’t Mean You’re “Winning”
If your partner is swimming in dates/matches/partners while you're struggling to even get a text back on dating apps, it's likely you'll have some complicated f
Intellectualising vs Internalising in Polyamorous Relationships
If you still feel jealous despite having done a ton of research about polyamory, the reason is simple: there's a world of difference between intellectualising a
20 Polyamorous Reminders So You Can Do It Right
1. Jealousy is just an emotion and it is nothing to be ashamed of. Stop feeling bad about feeling bad, when you could be taking the time to ask *why* you’re fee
Feeling Needed vs Wanted in Polyamory
If your sense of worth grew from being relied upon, polyamory will challenge you. Being freely chosen — not depended on — is the real gift.
Jealousy isn't a Red Flag - It’s How You Deal With It
Feeling jealous in polyamory is not the problem. Hiding it, shaming yourself for it, or refusing to manage it — those are the real red flags.
Feelings Don’t Always Require Action (And That’s Okay)
Feelings don't always need a reaction. In polyamory, learning to sit with discomfort instead of acting on it immediately changes everything.
I Was More Jealous When I Was Monogamous
I find monogamy more jealousy-inducing than polyamory, because if my partner can only be with ONE person, then of course I'd be more worried about them leaving
When Your Jealousy is 100% Rational
The polyamorous community is always telling folks to "work on their jealousy" and that's valid. But if a partner is actually deprioritising you, neglecting you,
Unpacking Jealousy in Polyamory
If your struggling with jealousy it can be useful to do ask yourself some questions. When you’re no longer in an activated state, reflect on what happened:
When You’re Jealous, Get Curious
Jealousy is not an inherently evil emotion, but a tool for self-improvement. Don't shy away from it, don't shame yourself from feeling it, but lean into feeling
Mango Season
Life and Love can both be a bit sticky
How To Handle Jealousy In Polyamory
Jealousy in polyamory often signals fear, insecurity, or an unmet need — not failure. Learn to identify its root and use it as a tool for self-discovery.
Jealousy and Compersion Are Not Mutually Exclusive
Jealousy and compersion can exist simultaneously. If you are in a long-term relationship and start dating someone new in polyamory, your existing partner may be
Your Partner May Date Differently From You - And That’s Okay.
“If my partner can get into bed with someone else so quickly, what does that mean about our sexual relationship?”
6 Common Causes Of Jealousy
Feeling jealous? Here are 6 common causes of jealousy (based on 1000+ non-monogamous clients I've worked with since 2021):
If You ‘Don’t Get Jealous’ in Polyamory, Read This.
If you are not a jealous person, just remember that that doesn't necessarily make you a better person. It just means that you got lucky.
Jealousy Doesn’t Make You Less Polyamorous
Jealousy doesn't disqualify you from polyamory. It's useful information — often pointing to an unmet need or real concern, not a flaw to overcome.
Freedom In Polyamory Goes Both Ways
Intellectually, if you are dating multiple people, you should be okay with them also dating other people. Emotionally, having multiple partners feels very diffe
Why Attraction To Others Isn’t Cheating
Attraction to others while in a relationship is normal, expected, and not cheating in itself, and I'm tired of pretending it isn't a super common thing that hap
Shaming Your Partner’s Jealousy? Karma May Come For You!
Have you ever thought "Wow! I would NEVER get that upset/jealous if I was in your position!" only to get that upset/jealous when the situation is reversed?
Polyamorous People Aren’t Superhuman - We Just Do The Work
Jealousy is an emotion that most (if not all) people experience, and it's just about what you want to do with the emotion that distinguishes monogamous from non
Some Thoughts on Jealousy
Jealousy in non-monogamy can feel unbearable — but one writer discovered that admitting envy rather than hiding it was the only thing that actually brought.
Comperstruggle
A comperstruggle is when you're caught between jealousy and compersion — sincerely wanting your partner to have a great time with someone else while also struggling with painful jealous feelings.
It Might Be Grief
If you can’t put your finger on why something feels wrong because no one is doing anything wrong, but you’re certain there’s something behind that wrong feeling
The Jealousy Workbook by Kathy Labriola: A Critical Review
As non-monogamous relationships become more socially acceptable, greater numbers of people are curious about whether or not it’s for them. While exploring, they
How Do I Manage My Partner’s Jealousy?
If your partner struggles with jealousy, you’ve probably asked yourself: “How can I keep my partner from feeling this way?” or “How do I help my partner manage
Use Compersion as a Flashlight (...not a Stick!)
Using compersion as a flashlight to illuminate the areas in our relationships that can be improved, rather than a stick to beat ourselves with for not feeling "poly enough."
Two Types of Compersion: An Empowering Distinction
Compersion falls into two main categories: embodied compersion, the intoxicating joy felt in the body, and attitudinal compersion, a supportive outlook toward a partner's other relationships.
Polyamory, Jealousy, and the ‘Buffet Analogy’
When assessing whether your jealousy is healthy or toxic, I like to compare it to eating at a buffet.
“You’re Polyamorous? What If Your Partner Leaves?”
Polyamory's most common fear is your partner leaving for someone else. One writer dismantles why that fear often reveals something about ownership, not love.
Let’s Talk About ‘Revenge Dating’ in Polyamory
I’ve come across a toxic phenomenon in the polyamory community which I would like to call “revenge dating”, which is when you date someone for the sole purpose
When It’s Complosion, Not Compersion
** New Word Alert! Complosion: when you want to feel happy that your partner is experiencing something with someone else they are involved with, but it all blow
What Compersion Feels Like
Compersion is best defined as sympathetic joy. Simply put, it is the joy you feel when someone you love or care about is happy, even if their positive experienc
Guest Blog: The Need to Know
A common stumbling block in relationships, non-monogamy in particular, is feeling like you must know what your partner is up to in order to feel safe in your re
Fostering Compersion
I wrote a while back about the greater non-monogamous community's idealization of compersion and holding it up as the opposite of jealousy. This implies jealous
Established Relationship Energy
Second in a two-part series covering both New Relationship Energy and Established Relationship Energy, this blog will focus on the latter. Established Relations
New Relationship Energy
First in a two-part series covering both New Relationship Energy and Established Relationship Energy, this blog will focus on the former. New relationship energ
Gratitude
I recently had an epiphany related to an insecurity I have. I fear losing what I don't actively attach to when access to that thing is under the control of some
Perspectives on Special
A challenge I face as a polyamorous person in a primarily monogamous society is working to unlearn what my culture has taught me about certain concepts. One of
Pocket Monster: Envy
Jealousy is a thing, peeps. It is the dead horse beaten on a regular basis when discussions of polyamory are on the table, but that's because It Is A Thing. And
Secrets and Security
If you have landed on this page, please click here to read a more current version of this essay: Non-Monogamy and Visibility: Coping Strategies for Hidden Partn
