Romantic and Platonic Love
Recycling a post: Using friendship as a framework in nonmonogamy, and letting the principles of nonmonogamy dismantle the limitations on your friendships.
Journal
Real stories from real people navigating the beautiful mess of non-monogamy. From first-date butterflies to jealousy spirals and everything in between—these writers are sharing their unfiltered journeys so you can learn, relate, and feel a little less alone in yours.
Polyamory As An Act of Resistance
Non-Monogamy, bodily autonomy, and the fight against patriarchy
Podcast Interview: Eve Rickert, Solo Polyamorous Relationship Anarchist
Hello, Loving Without Boundaries (LWB) community! I am delighted to share my latest podcast interview with Eve Rickert, a solo polyamorous, relationship anarchi
Secure Attachment to Self
A Necessity for Building Healthy, Happy Relationships with Others
When the Relationship Becomes the Whole Horizon
Aria Diana's field notes on self-partnership after grief: why widening your attention beyond one relationship builds a healthier non-monogamous ecosystem.
Ask Luna Rose: The Questions I Get Asked Most
On falling for the wrong person, the metamour you can't warm to, and what to do when your partner's new connection is going better than yours.
6 Common Misconceptions About Solo Polyamory
Solo polyamory is one of the most misunderstood types of polyamory, even within the polyamorous community. So let’s go through what it is, and more importantly,
Managing Metamours
Relating to Your Partners’ Partners
Defining Commitment Without Exclusivity
In monogamous relationships, we typically equate commitment with exclusivity.
The “Relationship Escalator”
Why it’s important, no matter your relationship structure
When You Don’t Want the Relationship Escalator, But You Still Want a Map
On relational experiments, gathering lived data, and an invitation to do some Fieldwork for the Heart this September
At Capacity
Expanding the definition of "polysaturation". Or do we need another word?
Living ENM Q&A
Love and life from the perspective of a "solo polyamorist"
How Do You Prefer to Connect With Your Metamours (aka Your Partner's Partners)?
Discover Your Polyamory Social Style
✨ What Poly/Non-Monogamous Relationship Structure Fits You Best?
Polyamory isn’t one-size-fits-all, there are many ways to practice this relationship style.
Non-Monogamous Relationship Skills: Renegotiating Agreements
People in new non-monogamous relationships often put a lot of effort into crafting airtight relationship agreements. That might look like, for instance, having
Let's Stop Using the Term "Non-Hierarchical"
Non-hierarchical sounds evolved, but in practice it often creates more confusion than clarity. Here's why it's time to retire the label.
The Quiet Damage of Overpromising in Polyamory
When hierarchical hinges cultivate emotional expectations for expansion before the relational structure actually exists to support them
Mishandling Couple Privilege
Polyamorous people who aren't aware of their couple privilege can do a lot of harm, but on the flip side, those who rush to escalate newer relationships before
The Line Between Jealousy and Protection
And how to hold both at once.
The Problem Isn’t Your Needs. It’s Where You Place Them.
How to tell when your expectations are landing in the wrong relationship
What To Do If Your Partner Is In A Toxic Relationship
A lot of polyamorous people will NOT like what I have to say about this, but…your partner is unfortunately allowed to make the choice to be in shitty, toxic, a
The Tension Between Wanting More and Accepting What Is in Non-Monogamy
How longing, capacity, and reality shape the size and rhythm of open relationships, and how to make peace with intermittent intimacy in a culture that equates l
Why Trying to Create Symmetry in Non-Monogamy Can Backfire
The hidden trap of scheduling symmetrical dates to soothe your nervous system
My Partner's Kinky Partner Feels Unsafe
Responses to questions submitted in comments, DMs, and here on Substack.
There Are No Relationships Without Commitment
I love you, until something better comes along isn't a relationship — it's a placeholder. Commitment belongs in ENM too. Here's why.
Why Your Metamour Feels Like a Threat Before You Even Know Them
Attachment alarm, cultural conditioning, and the nervous system stories we write when love expands beyond exclusivity
From Default to Design: The Courage to Choose Your Relationship
After listening to a powerful episode of Esther Perel’s Where Shall We Begin, I found myself thinking about jealousy, relationship scripts, and the courage
Polyamory Isn’t a Pie — But Time Is Indeed Finite
A nervous-system-first reframe for scarcity, structure, and getting honest about what we need for secure non-monogamy
Your Partners Don’t Have To Be Friends
Is this a hot take? I don't think it should be... but in my opinion, if you think about it, only dating people who can be good friends with your pre-existing pa
Stop Disappointing Everyone in Polyamory
If you are polyamorous and looking for long-term connection: learn to be disciplined with your time and energy management, or risk disappointing multiple people
Did Polyamory Ruin My Marriage
On Solo Polyamory and divorce
Holding Couple’s Privilege with Conscious Care
How established polyamorous couples can better support non-anchored partners
The Difference Between Pacing Requests and Power Grabs
Reader Q&A: How to ask for what your nervous system needs without controlling someone else’s relationship
Nuanced Non-Monogamy: Two Things Can Be True
I’m bringing the NUANCE, baby! Let’s try to hold more space for all the beautiful complexity of human relationships and think critically when engaging with cont
falling in & out of love @ the same time WHAT?
Written by: Tamar Simone Weir What does it mean to fall in love? And to fall out of love? When I try to answer these big life questions, I find myself always go
Mono-Poly Relationships Can Work - Here Are 5 Traits That Guarantee Long-Term Success
Can mono-poly relationships work? Leanne Yau shares 5 traits that help a monogamous person and a polyamorous partner build a happy relationship that lasts.
It’s Okay To Be Too Tired For Polyamory.
Life gets heavy, and sometimes you simply do not have the bandwidth for multiple relationships. That does not make you less polyamorous.
How Sibling Rivalries Can Influence Metamour Dynamics
I have a theory that if you are a polyamorous person who grew up with siblings, how you respond to your partner's other partners is directly linked to how you w
20 Polyamorous Reminders So You Can Do It Right
1. Jealousy is just an emotion and it is nothing to be ashamed of. Stop feeling bad about feeling bad, when you could be taking the time to ask *why* you’re fee
Black. Queer. Polyam. Pastor’s Kid. Yoga Therapist.
Everything they said I couldn’t be…and how I became it anyway
The Secret of Platonic Relationships
The line between platonic, romantic, and sexual is far blurrier than we were taught. Relationship anarchy gives you permission to redefine it.
"Autonomy" Doesn't Mean What You Think
I think the polyamorous community has a huge problem with taking the concept of autonomy too far. To the point where some people just feel like they can do what
Introducing Durable Relationship Energy
A new way to think about long-term bonds Have you heard the term “new relationship energy?” It’s commonly used in consensual non-monogamy (CNM) circles, and it
Parallel Polyamory Means Extra Hinge Responsibility
Parallel polyamory is valid AND unfortunately, many hinges underestimate what it means to be the person in the middle managing the dynamic.
Showing Deference vs Respect in Polyamory
Couple privilege can sometimes be enforced by the people outside of the couple without them realising it. There's a really big difference between showing respec
You and Your Metamour are Entitled to Your Boundaries
You are allowed to have a boundary where you won't date someone unless you get explicit confirmation from their other partner(s) that they're genuinely polyamor
Polyamorous Holiday Survival Guide
The bottom line when it comes to surviving the holidays as a polyamorous person is:
How To ACTUALLY Deal With Couple Privilege
Not all couple privilege needs to be (or can be!) dismantled, because we live in a mononormative society where monogamy is presented as the "correct", "ethical"
Polyamory And "The Other Woman"
Have you ever had a friend who got cheated on and instead of blaming their partner, they blamed the other woman? Or maybe they started dating someone who said “
Hierarchical Actions Speak Louder Than Non-Hierarchical Words
Someone saying they practice "non-hierarchical polyamory" doesn't necessarily mean they're safe. True safety is co-created through:
'Couple Guilt' in Polyamory
If white people feel white guilt for their white privilege, then it follows that couples can feel couple guilt for their couple privilege.
Hot Take: Kitchen Table Polyamory Can Be Toxic
If you’re like “hey, as a condition of dating me, you must be best friends with my long term partner, and if you aren't, then we can't date anymore” I think tha
Hierarchical Polyamory Discourse Lacks Nuance
No matter what you feel about hierarchal polyamory, saying “hierarchy bad and you should feel bad" not only lacks nuance, but it is also not going to magically
You Get To Decide Your Metamour Relationships
A metamour is your partner's other partner, and you decide how close you get. Leanne Yau on kitchen table and parallel polyamory, and why meeting is optional.
Erotic Autonomy
Let’s think beyond monogamy and polyamory.
9 Reminders For Polyamorous Breakups
1. Lots of people are going to say “I told you so” because they are biased to believe polyamory doesn’t work long term. Breakups happen for all kinds of reasons
Stop Glorifying Kitchen Table Polyamory
Non-monogamous relationships, like any other relationships, are nuanced. What works for one person may not work for another. Different people can make the same
How Toxic Monogamy can Hurt Friendships
Have you ever been in a situation where you had a really good close friend. Then your friend got into a romantic relationship and then you started spending a lo
“Settling Down” When you’re Polyamorous
I’m 27 years old and have been actively non-monogamous since I was 17. When I was younger, a lot of people just assumed that I was casually dating and messing a
Non-Hierarchy is an Ideal, not a Goal
I genuinely do not care whether you call yourself hierarchical or not. I care about what you’re actually saying, doing, and thinking.
Why I’m Sick and Tired of Hierarchy Discourse
Let’s talk about hierarchy. More importantly, let’s talk about HOW we talk about hierarchy…because some of you are missing the entire point.
Is My Relationship Agreement Hierarchical Or Not?
Instead of stressing about whether an agreement is “hierarchical” or “non-hierarchical”, ask yourself these questions instead:
I Don’t Care If Your Polyamorous Relationship is “Hierarchical” - Here’s What Actually Matters
Forget the hierarchy debate. What actually matters in ethical polyamory: your real commitments, limitations, and the kind of enmeshment you want.
Stop Blaming Yoru Metamour For Partner Problems
I don't know who needs to hear this, but stop blaming your metamour for things that you should be taking up with your partner.
Your Metamour Is Not “The Other Woman”
The idea of "The Other Woman" also exists in polyamory. If you refuse to see your partner as capable of fault, it's VERY easy to blindly shift blame onto someon
Not Every Long Term Relationship has To End in Marriage
Not everyone in a long-term relationship wants to get married. Just because I love someone, it doesn't mean I want to be legally and financially tied to them. I
You Might Be Using ‘Solo Polyamory’ Wrong
Stop saying you're doing "solo polyamory" when what you ACTUALLY mean is you date independently from your partner(s) - which is what most polyamorous people are
Being Polyamorous On Valentine’s Day: What Difference Does A Day Make?
Polyamorous Valentine's Day tip: at the end of the day, it is just a random date and a cute excuse to be extra affectionate. Focus less on when you're doing wha
You Might Be Using ‘Metamour’ Wrong…
Some of you, I'm not naming names, are using the word ‘metamour’ wrong. metamour means your partner's partner. So your partner once removed effectively. So my b
You Don’t Have To Be “Visibly” Polyamorous
You do not have to have multiple partners at every single stage of your polyamorous journey.
Partners Don’t Just Exist To “Meet Needs”
“as a poly lady i get asked this a lot, but i truly do not understand the question "if you already have people who make you happy and fulfill your needs, why do
The Heartbreak of Polyamorous Holidays
Holding space for the polyamorous people this holiday season whose partners aren't/can't be out to family as polyamorous, or whose family only recognise their m
Too Many Eggs For One Basket?
"You're only polyamorous because you're afraid to put all your eggs in one basket!" I'm not afraid to put all my eggs in one basket. I just don't think my eggs
Don’t Date Beyond Your Capacity in Polyamory
Polyamory means that you can theoretically date as many people as you want to, but in reality you only have so much time on your hands. Every non-monogamous per
Check In With Your Partners this Holiday Season
If you're spending time with family with one/some of your partners but not others (which sucks, but can happen for a wide variety of reasons), how are you showi
Before You Blame Your Metamour, Hold Your Partner to Account
‘I don't feel the need to be territorial over my romantic and sexual partners because I don't perceive other women as a threat to my stability.
Are You Really Polyamorous?
I haven’t felt like dating anyone new in a while. Years, actually. Every time I consider it, I feel incredibly tired and somewhat panicked about a little finite
Prioritizing a Partner is NOT Hierarchy
The inherent assumption is that the status of "highest priority" in hierarchical relationships will remain permanently and never ever waver, which is, for most,
Is relationship anarchy a front?
Relationship anarchy is a valid philosophy — but some people use it as an excuse to dodge accountability. Here's how to tell the difference.
Finding Balance in Polyamory
If you don't yet know your limits of time, energy and resources, you're about to bump your head on the ceiling of those! So, what can you DO?
What’s Wrong with Unicorn Hunting?
NOTE: Unicorn hunting is when a couple seeks out another person, often a bi woman for a cis/het couple (M/F) to have a s-xual relationship with. The term most o
Why Do Things Without Your Partner?
There was a time I believed being as alike as possible to someone was the key to romantic harmony. I considered becoming a single entity the goal of a long term
Guest Blog: Relationship Anarchy . . . huh?
If you’re active in any form of non-monogamous community, you’ve likely come across the term “Relationship Anarchy” with increasing frequency. With that, you’ve
Are There Successful Mono/Poly Relationships?
The post Are There Successful Mono/Poly Relationships? appeared first on Leanne Million Coaching.
Polysaturation: Do I Have Enough To Give?
I appreciate the concept of polysaturation, a piece of wordplay I both admire for its cleverness and find useful in the discussion of non-monogamy, but I prefer
Demystifying Hierarchy in Non-Monogamous Relationships
When you view your partners, and yourself, as autonomous individuals who exist in proximity to each other but aren’t defined by it, you’re rewarded with relatio
Guest Blog: Finite Resources in Relationships
Love is abundant and not a zero sum game. That is, loving others will never reduce what’s available for others. We experience this all the time with friends, ch
Five Whole Years
I rode in the passenger seat of one of my partners’ cars this evening, travelling to our next destination from a small gathering of fully vaccinated friends to
7 Famous Polyamorists From History
Georgiana “Gee” Cavendish was an English duchess, gifted author, and women’s rights activist. She was well known for her unusual marital arrangement with Willia
So You Want To Be A Unicorn: A Guide to Dating Polyamorous Couples
I've written about unicorn hunting in the past, but I realised that I've never made a resource for people who self-identified as unicorns. So, here is a guide f
Where Are The Non-FFM Polyamorous Triads?
A common complaint I see on the internet when it comes to polyamory is, “Why is it always one man and two women?” While there are definitely many MMF/FMF, FFF,
Why Unicorn Hunting Doesn’t Work
Imagine you met someone, A, and you became good friends. You got along great, had a lot of stuff in common, and you had a feeling that your friendship would las
Meeting the Metas
There are various approaches to metamour relationships in the non-monogamous dimension. Some folks prefer to never interact with their partners’ partners in an
Friends With My Exes
Not long ago, I connected with a guy on a dating app who laughed when I mentioned I retain most of my former partners as friends. He made it a point to let me k
Parallel Polyamory Sans Privilege
There are those who prefer little-to-no interaction with metamours, opting instead for what is known as parallel polyamory: a structuring of relationships in su
Dismantling Romantic Relationship Primacy
We do a thing in the society I live in where we elevate our romantic relationships above all other connections. Sometimes that’s a good thing, for example: if y
Your Metamour is Not the Problem
In online forums across teh interwebz, one question crops up more than daily: how do I get my metamour to stop doing xyz and negatively affecting my relationshi
Guest Blog: Building Obstacles to Autonomy
If you’re a frequent reader of this blog, you may have noticed the common thread of autonomy and how it applies to various types of relationships. Rusty and I s
Expect Autonomy
In my adulting adventures, I’ve been lucky enough to find myself in several communities that have high expectations of autonomy and accountability. To this end,
Partnership
Not too long ago, I was asked what the term "partner" meant to me. I think I said it was feeling like I was part of a team working towards the common goal of a
Happy Polydays!
Forgive me for the play on words. It couldn't be helped. 'Tis the season! It's a sentimental time. The observation of traditions, time off work, exchanging of g
The Metamour Connection
I have two very different romantic relationships: an open relationship with a woman whose other partnerships are pursued without any obligation to me as far as
Scarcity Language
Words matter. Words matter so, so much. In general, our most oft used ones are created by and evolve to suit the needs of the dominant group. Those who practice
Meant To Be
**Originally written in 2016, this posted was updated in July of 2024. One of my favorite poly-epiphanies is this: my partners are with me because they want to
