COMMUNICATION & BOUNDARIES

💌 Love Letters · 02 — There’s More to Polyamory Than Agreements + Worksheet

For Polyamory Loves + Therapists

OCTOBER 6, 2026

💌 Love Letters · 02 — There’s More to Polyamory Than Agreements + Worksheet

♡ The Narrated Version

This month’s Love Letters is also available in video + audio (& on YouTube)

♡ What’s Inside this Month’s Love Letters:

1. A W.I.S.E. Worksheet — There’s More To Polyamory Than Agreements
_Helping you identify what you want from polyamory

_2. The Beauty That Can Emerge From Polyamory
_A video that started a conversation

_3. Resource of the Month
An online consensual non-monogamy support group

4. A Little Invitation
I’d love to hear your thoughts…

5. New to Love Letters?
Start with last month’s 27 Polyamory Check-In Questions

Image - An illustration with three people, all with curly hair, two with pale skin tone one with brown tone skin, heads tilted up to sky, eyes closed, looking peaceful, background is pink & white clouds with a blue sky by Midjourney.

♡ Wishes, Intentions, Support & Expectations — A W.I.S.E. Worksheet

Helping you identify what you want from polyamory… at any point in your journey

Beyond the importance of Agreements… there’s more to polyamory when it comes to matters of the heart & mind (especially when those two are at odds). Whether you’re approaching polyamory for the first time or checking in at any point along your journey — there’s something powerful about pausing to ask ourselves what we want now, knowing what we know.

So let’s talk about wishes, intentions, support and expectations because the word on the street is that polyamory can sometimes be… a lot. And just in case you feel a bit overwhelmed, stressed or out of sorts at any point —we can begin to prepare for those bumps in the road with some strategies to support, soothe & care for you.

Let’s chat… have you noticed how powerfully imaginative our minds are? We can create the most magnificent — or even tragic — stories and narratives, all without evidence, facts or even reality. It happens me. My naughty little charming brain takes me for unnecessary spins all the time… and I still love her.

What we wish for and what we expect from others are distinctly different things, but they can easily get lumped together in our minds. And somehow, we can begin to believe that our Partners understand us at a deep level and know how to respond to our needs — even when we haven’t actually told them what’s happening inside of us.

And when those unmentioned wishes aren’t met — or our expectations get broken…? Oof. It can really hurt. Ergo (my new word ;)… my hope is that this worksheet will help us slow down, connect to Self, connect to the facts and begin to build… or even strengthen, a secure connection to one another.

Mostly, I want us to bring some of what’s living in our subconscious into the conscious — and then talk about it. Because…

We. Must. Keep. Talking.

And now, my loves, we are relating.

This is powerful. We need this in polyamory.

🌈 WISHES, INTENTIONS, SUPPORT & EXPECTATIONSA Polyamory Worksheet

Take a moment to write, journal or talk about these with your tribe / people / loves — or use them as a starting point if you’re in therapy.

**W — What are your deepest wishes for polyamory?
**

**I —What are your intentions for how you want to show up in polyamory?
**

**S — What support do you need when polyamory feels difficult?
**

E — What are your unspoken expectations in polyamory?

W . What are your secret WISHES for polyamory?

This is what your heart ‘hopes’ and ‘deeply desires’ will happen. It’s based on those beautiful & even unsatisfied childhood dreams, the ‘fall-in-love-and-I will-be-truly-seen’ dreams, the hopes of personal growth, longings being fulfilled, unmet needs being offered, even your deepest wounds being healed. It’s also the ‘I want to feel chosen, desired, safe, and secure’ stuff. Ya know what I'm talkin’ about… our vulnerable most soft parts.

I . What are your INTENTIONS for how you want to show up in polyamory?

It’s often an automatic thought to imagine how others “should” show up for us — so let’s turn this question towards our Selves. This will activate and care for the kinship & relational aspect of polyamory, in an accountable manner. Meaning — when my Partner is dating, heartbroken, in love, at capacity, in NRE, or upset with their Metas (and so on)… how do I imagine I will show up for them? What would stop me from showing up in these way? What would encourage me to show up in these ways?

S . What SUPPORT do you need when polyamory gets difficult?

Identify the support resources you have currently that help you feel better or more regulated — or that you can begin to build and develop. (When I say regulated I mean your body and mind feel relaxed and at ease, you feel aware, you’re breathing comfortably and naturally and you feel present). For example: connecting with like-minded community, friends, support groups, therapy or even affirming books and podcasts.

In addition, make a list of your most-loved soothing techniques for when you’re feeling dysregulated, anxious or down. This might include taking a walk in nature, exercising, stretching, journaling, listening to music that makes you feel good, talking to someone who truly listens, taking a cold shower or hot bath (temperature change for your body), spending intentional time with your pets or releasing your big emotions responsibly (i.e. using a punching bag).

And consider what co-soothing would look like with your Partner and discuss what they might have the capacity for. This might look like long hugs, intentional present touch, kind words or affirmations — or even taking gentle space from each other when that’s whats needed.

Think of this as creating your own personalized support gift box: full of rituals, resources and tender forms of connection that you can turn toward when polyamory gets difficult.

★ (I’ll definitely create a list of soothing and co-soothing techniques in the future.)

E . What are your unspoken EXPECTATIONS in polyamory?

Expectations are the bits we quietly believe will happen — even though we haven’t yet examined them, spoken them out loud or communicated them to the people involved. This is what your mind believes will happen regardless of whether anyone has confirmed they can — or will — do it in the way you expect.

Our minds naturally create assumptions based on the filters we’ve developed throughout our lifetime because if we absorbed every tiny, itty bitty detail around us, processed it and communicated it — we’d be completely overwhelmed and slip into oblivion. It’s just not possible. So it can be a wonderful practice to begin checking-in on any unspoken expectations because it can greatly benefit our Self, our Partners and our relationship(s).

☆ Bonus Question

Did you learn anything about your Self or your Partners while doing this worksheet? Is there anything you’d like to change in your relationship(s), intentions, agreements, support systems or expectations moving forward?

What was it like learning about your Partner’s wishes and expectations? Did hearing their vulnerable dreams inspire empathy, feelings or any questions?

And wonderful job opening your hearts & minds! Both can be so very so important… don’t ya’ think?

✦ For those of you who are Therapists: You’re welcome to bring this worksheet into your sessions with clients as a gentle invitation to explore the wishes, intentions, support and expectations people may be carrying — including the ones that have yet to be put into words with Self or others.

Look at us deconstructing our narratives and cultural beliefs! Yas sir!

Feel free to share this with anyone who may need inspiration & support. ♡

♡ The Beauty That Can Emerge From Polyamory

A Video That Started A Conversation

Oh hello…. by the way, this is me... Fox Eros :) Pleasure to meet you! Image - a screenshot of the video. I am a brown skin femme person with gentle brown eyes, in the woods, with a loving smile, olive green hat, green handkerchief around my neck wearing a gray long sleeve shirt.

Dear community,

I created this 1-minute video because I wanted to take the time to celebrate the beauty and expansive possibilities that can emerge through polyamory. I focused on the transformative and liberating aspects that this relationship structure can bring into our lives, the personal & relationship growth & skills and even the change that can occur in our perspectives on relationship paradigms. There can be something deeply freeing about rewriting the script on what intimate connection means to us… and then creating relationships that are actually aligned with our ever-evolving values. Wow.

And delightfully, it sparked an exciting conversation on TikTok that felt like a breath of fresh air! (Can also be viewed on Instagram). Polyamory loves need to be uplifted, encouraged and reminded of the good intentions within their lifestyle because as you’ve likely noticed, a lot of time is spent talking about the most difficult and complex parts of polyamory — the jealousy, insecurity, consent issues, broken communication and ruptures. And those do exist, yes absolutely and we must talk about them. And still… we MUST ALSO make room for the happy, freeing and deeply fulfilling moments.

And, as always, you’re welcome to share your thoughts on this topic. What resonated with you? Was there an idea that made you pause, challenged something you’ve been taught about love or intimacy or simply made you feel a little more hopeful about what’s possible?

✦ For my Therapist Healers — Identifying the good and celebrating with your polyam clients could be a beneficial exercise. It could help to build their confidence in their emerging skills and polyamorous identity, as well help make meaning out of their relational experiences, even when there are challenges.

Thank youuuuuuu!

♡ Resource of the Month

An Online CNM Support Group

The LAST Collective (Los Angeles Sex Therapy) was created by Moushumi Ghose, my colleague, a wonderful Sex Positive and Polyamory-Affirming Therapist and phenomenal Creator!) And LAST offers a virtual Consensual Non-Monogamy Support Group. Oh and they have an amazing substack — !

The group welcomes everyone from those newly curious about non-monogamy to seasoned polyamorous folxs — offering space to share experiences, ask questions, connect and receive support.

Details:
Every other Thursday from 5–6 PM (PST), with a $20 drop-in fee.
To learn more, visit LAST Collective.

Image - Flyer from CNM Support Group for Los Angeles Sex Therapy (a virtual Consensual Non-Monogamy Support Group.).

♡ A Little Invitation…

What’s Something You’d Like Me to Explore Next?

I’d love to hear what’s on your heart, what you’re curious about and what you’d like us to explore together. You’re welcome to message me a question (button below) or topic you’d love to see in a future Love Letter (to protect your privacy — please don’t include any identifying information). I’ll keep questions anonymous and may choose one to explore in a future post.

*A kind reminder: Love Letters is a space for reflection, education, and shared exploration — however, I’m not able to provide therapy or personalized clinical advice or responses on this platform, but if you are seeking professional therapy, please reach out to FoxErosInLove.com.

♡ New to Love Letters?

Start with Love Letters · 01 — 27 Polyamory Check-In Questions

♡ Interested in Connecting?

• For Therapy Consultations → For California individuals, couples and relationships seeking support with polyamory, intimacy, sex and relationship challenges: Learn more here.

• For Colleague Consultations → For therapists and helping professionals seeking clinical case consultations or support with building their practice: Learn more here.

Until next month…♡

Fox Eros, M.A., LMFT
_(she | her | femme)
_Certified in CNM Relationships & Sex Therapy
Lic 161302
foxerosinlove.com