sexy words and their weird definitions + origins

Written by: Tamar Simone Weir

I still remember my first diary. It was pink and blue, with this criss cross texture and made me feel like a princess. It was filled with taped up images and big lettered writing about friends, feelings, and the current 6 year old drama some real and some made up. To hear some of the content in this first diary, you can watch my reel about it here.

Even now, to me writing is a place for spaciousness with my thoughts. A play space that doesn't always have to make sense, in the logical sense. For instance, a few months ago, someone tried to insult me by saying "your writing's grammar sucks! Learn proper joining, misplaced modifiers, and dangling participles" and I thought to myself.... Yeah this does not offend me in the slightest because I have never tried to have "proper" grammar, nor is it something I strive for in my writing. Knowing grammar is definitely something of value, and I see its value, the way it can create a flow to beautiful words, but its not something I actively focus on. While grammar is a part of the writing process, what I find more enthralling and interesting is the power of words when they are authentic, when they are tried on for feeling, and the way that words get used culturally in time. Some words are no longer being used, some words are being invented and used in new contexts that give them new and different meanings, and there is still space for more.

Man and Medusa (created around 1910–1914) by the German artist Jeanne Mammen

https://www.bradleyscout.com/voice/sex-terminology/

https://playsafe.health.nsw.gov.au/sex-lingo/

SOME (just some) important words:

Masturbate- the Merriam Webster definition states "erotic stimulation especially of one's own genital (see genital sense 2) organs commonly resulting in orgasm and achieved by manual (see manual entry 1 sense 1) or other bodily contact exclusive of sexual intercourse, by instrumental manipulation (see manipulate sense 1), occasionally by sexual fantasies, or by various combinations of these agencies"

-but what's commonly less known is that in the 1800 and 1700's doctors and philosophers attributed all kinds of diseases and and insanity to masturbation. There was no clear and direct linkage to insanity, but nonetheless it was to blame!

Vibrator- the Merriam Webster definition states "a vibrating electrical apparatus used in massage or for sexual stimulation"

-vibrators in the more modern understanding was created to aid "hysteria" in women, and people credit this invention to physician George Taylor in the 1800's. Vibrators were used in doctors offices to treat women and calm them down from this hysteria. But wait....

Hysteria- comes from the greek word hysterika meaning Uterus. It was a social belief that the uterus was blamed for social ailments connecting to intense emotions in women. The anatomy and social conditioning of the time directly correlates to how little social power women had at the time in ancient Greece.

Sapphic-dates back to ancient Greece, specifically to the island Lesbos where Sappho, a renowned poet wrote poetry about her desires for both men and women. Over time, the word Sapphic emerged as a way to describe women loving women, but now it is used to describe sexual orientation in a more queer way. The term acknowledges the experiences that femmes have in romantic and platonic love with genders who have been oppressed.

Cunt- the word dates back to the 1200's and was used in England to describe a street in London, that was in the red light district. Cunt was historically used to refer to the vagina and vulva and is the oldest english word for describing these genitals, although later in the Shakespearean era, it became censored, and therefore a vulgar word and less widely used.

The Invention of Words for more Expansion: (just do it)

I have a friend who felt that in a time of her life when she needed healing from an intense sexual boundary violation and breakup, there were certain words that didn't sit right with her. Some words felt odd coming out of her mouth, or as she was describing herself and her body, there would be a sense of a lack of connection to her truth because the words were not her words. She decided to start using words that felt more empowering for her evolution of healing. Instead of saying the word horny, she would say "Yoni Forward" to describe that feeling of being actively alive, feeling the tingles, and wanting more. I loved this because it illustrates how we can feel limited by words that people have used to describe our bodies, categorize us, our emotions, and many words have thick violent histories and connotations. If someone uses the word sexy to describe you, but that word doesn't feel fitting or you've felt heavily objectified and this word was used a lot in that process, you may have a different relationship compared to someone who maybe has never used the word sexy to describe themselves or have received that word used onto them. It can feel silly sometimes to maybe think outside of the box, or take an extra minute to respond before automatically using a certain word in a sentence, but this practice is increasingly transformative for me in giving me the space to not use the words that are only repeated day in and day out but to find words that genuinely feel connective and relevant to ME.

Lilith (1976), painted by the British-American realist and feminist artist Sylvia Sleigh

"Shit gets fucked in Autumn" - Written by me in 2020. Photo Edit by Ale Gervasio.

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