What Therapists Should Know About Polyamorous Clients

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I’ve been actively non-monogamous for over 10 years, have worked with 1000+ clients from 50+ countries as a polyamorous peer supporter, and I’m also in training to become a therapist specialising in non-monogamous relationships. Here’s what therapists need to know to safely work with polyamorous clients:

Polyamorous people are not inherently fearful of commitment - the way they commit just looks different from how monogamous people do it.

No one is saying that polyamorous people can’t have attachment issues, but assuming that your client has those issues because of their polyamorous identity is not going to help you build a positive rapport.

Couples who want to open up the relationship aren’t always doing it as a soft launch to an eventual breakup/divorce.

Many couples can open up from a healthy and secure place rather than from a sense of dissatisfaction in their existing relationship. Of course, not every opening up process ends well, but respect your client’s autonomy to open up the relationship rather than assuming something must be wrong.

When polyamorous breakups happen, they don’t always happen BECAUSE of the polyamory.

People break up for all kinds of reasons that have nothing to do with the relationship structure they are in, and blaming the structure means you may miss possible incompatibilities or issues. Polyamorous people are often told things like “I told you so” after a breakup - so don’t pile on the shame.

Polyamorous people who are in or considering therapy, what would you add to this list?

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