Things to forget about sex ASAP

We are inundated with information about sex and sexuality that makes it damn near impossible to experience sex for what it can be - a pleasurable, connective, fun, and playful co-creation of bodies, minds, and spirits. If you want to reclaim your sex life, forget the following myths about sex.

It makes it less sexy if I have to tell or show my partner what I want.

Your partner is not a mind-reader. If you aren’t communicating about what might feel good, or better, than you are doing yourself a disservice by not setting yourself up for the most satisfying sex possible. Sex is a skill, and your partner may not know what skills are needed to turn you specifically on! Another part of being sexually skilled is the ability to communicate what you’d like in bed. It’s actually way hotter when your lovers can pleasure you the way you’d like, instead of continuing to do the things you don’t like.

Sex always has to include an orgasm for it to be good.

Orgasms don’t equal great sex!

There’s a pervasive myth that the “goal” of sex is to cum. This removes so much of the enjoyment and pleasure of simply enjoying the experience of being together, both physically and emotionally, because we’re so focused on the outcome of orgasm. If you release this goal-oriented mindset, what might shift in your sex life? Might you be able to relax more, focus on what feels good (or not so good and provide feedback), and really play in sex more?

The hottest sex is spontaneous sex.

Actually, the hottest sex is the sex you’re having, right?

Much of the time, it becomes a logistical nightmare to actually have spontaneous sex. We schedule the rest of our lives - so why not schedule intimacy (notice I didn’t say sex)? I’ve written a whole other Substack on why scheduling intimacy is beneficial (and my clients have definitely heard this shpiel). TLDR: scheduled sex can still be super hot.

If sex is awkward, messy, or silly, then it’s not hot.

Some of the most satisfying sex is created through a lot of trial and error, and that includes a lot of awkward, messy, and silly moments! Allow yourselves to experience the totality that our bodies have to offer, which includes all of the messy, “gross” parts. Releasing the idea of picture-perfect (or porn-perfect) sex can be the step you need to fully enjoying the experience.

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