The “humiliationship” proves everyone is afraid of vulnerability (especially Gen Z)

Earlier this week, I learned a new term and it blew my mind – “humiliationship.” According to Urban Dictionary, a humiliationship happens when your situationship has you so wrapped up that it’s, well, humiliating. From a quick TikTok search, this term has been in circulation since August ’25, continuing to emphasize the deep avoidance that current daters seem to have towards being vulnerable.

What’s humiliating?? The fact that you let yourself have an open heart? The fact that you attempted to create partnership but ultimately it didn’t work out the way you had hoped? The fact that it was a deeply painful experience? As a relationship therapist and certified lover girl, I’m probably biased – but I don’t think any of these things are humiliating. I think they are a necessary and powerful part of the human experience.

I talk to people all day about their love lives - and have for many years. As a millennial, we didn’t have the word “situationship,” let alone the lovely new “humiliationship.” We had softer terms, slang that was less judgmental; we might call it a “friends with benefits,” “hook up,” or someone we were “just dating.” None of these terms made connections feel inherently embarrassing – but engaging in a “situationship” is rife with shame.

The amount of content online that goes over how to not engage in a situationship, how to determine if you’re in a situationship, or how to get out of a situationship is thoroughly exhausting. It emphasizes the idea that unless a relationship is perfectly put together - perfectly defined and established at all four corners – it’s something to discard. I’m not saying situationships aren’t painful experiences, because they often are. I think that’s why they have become so villainized – the imbalance of interest, connection, and attention they generally maintain creates an incredibly difficult and confusing experience. This can lead to self-criticism and self-doubt, and cause people to seek ways to make sure this never happens again. But we’re all fooling ourselves – because love and relationships will always have pain, no matter what.

Don’t get me wrong – love and relationships shouldn’t feel consistently painful or have any sort of abuse. But even healthy relationships (of all kinds!) have the opportunity to break your heart – whether it be in grand or small ways. Being in a long term, satisfying marriage doesn’t shield you from feeling any kind of relational pain. It does, however, generally mean that pain won’t be focused on whether or not you’re defining the relationship. It will be about other things. I can’t tell you specifically what those things will be, but I can guarantee that you will experience some kind of difficulty – because that is the nature of human relationships.

If you feel embarrassed, or even shameful, of pursuing connection for the sake of feeling close to someone, I urge you to take a step back and survey the context of the situation. You are a social creature, and you are quite literally built for connection. It is so damn natural to pursue that, and especially natural to sometimes do things in pursuit of that connection - that in hindsight might seem a little silly. I can’t change the way you feel, but I can encourage you to give yourself a lot of compassion around any “situationship” – or “humiliationship” – in your past (or present). Dating is inherently vulnerable, messy, and a bit embarrassing – but ultimately, connection is always worth it.

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