Episode 9: Jealousy as a Portal to Growth with Kathy Labriola

Show Notes

In this episode of The Poly Tantra Kink Podcast, Laurie sits down with counselor, author, and longtime polyamory educator Kathy Labriola for a grounded, honest conversation about jealousy as one of the most powerful teachers in open relationships. Together, they explore why jealousy is normal, how it shows up in the nervous system, and what actually helps people move through it without shame.

Kathy introduces her well-known six stages of jealousy, explains why compersion is often overrated, and shares practical tools, including hypnosis and emotional processing, to build resilience and emotional steadiness. The conversation also touches on boundaries vs. control, conscious breakups, and why relationships changing form is not a failure, but a strength of ethical non-monogamy.

Episode Highlights

• Why jealousy is a universal human experience — not a sign of failure

• The difference between jealousy, envy, and coveting

• Kathy's six stages of jealousy (and why neutrality is enough)

• Why compersion is "grossly overrated"

• Jealousy as a bundle of emotions: fear, anger, and sadness

• Using hypnosis and nervous system tools to work with jealousy

• Boundaries vs. control in committed relationships

• Reframing breakups as relationship transitions

• Why long-term polyamorous elders matter as role models

About Kathy Labriola

Kathy Labriola is a nurse, counselor, and hypnotherapist based in Berkeley, California. For over 30 years, she has provided affordable mental health services to alternative communities, with a particular focus on consensual non-monogamy.

She is the author of four influential books:

• Love in Abundance: A Counselor's Advice on Open Relationships
• The Jealousy Workbook
• The Polyamory Break-up Book: Causes, Survival
• Polyamorous Elders: Aging in Open Relationships

Kathy has been a card-carrying bisexual and polyamorist for over 50 years. She is proudly "extra crunchy" — riding her bike, living in a housing cooperative, growing organic vegetables, and raising chickens. She brings decades of lived experience, clinical insight, and deep compassion to her work supporting people in conscious relationship structures.

Links & Resources Mentioned

• Kathy Labriola's website: https://www.kathylabriola.com/
• Love in Abundance: A Counselor's Advice on Open Relationships
• The Jealousy Workbook
• The Polyamory Break-up Book: Causes, Survival

Connect with Laurie Ellington

Website: poly-coach.com Instagram: @polycoachingWork with Laurie: Explore coaching for polyamory, open relationships, tantra, sacred sexuality, and conscious kink.