COMMUNICATION & BOUNDARIES

💌 Love Letters · 01 — 27 Polyamory Check-In Questions

For Polyamory Love + Therapists

✦ BY FOX EROS

SEPTEMBER 1, 2026

💌 Love Letters · 01 — 27 Polyamory Check-In Questions

What’s Inside this Month’s Love Letters:

1. Hello & Welcome!

2. Fox’s Polyamory Check-In Questions

3. Resource of the Month

4. An Invitation to Share Your Questions + Ideas

Image - Illustration of three people various brown skin tones, one has bright pink skin tone - one masculine presenting, two are femme presenting, all eyes are closed, facing one another, looking peaceful with a bright pink background and bright pink clothes by Midjourney.

Oh, Hello!

I’m so happy you made it here. Welcome to Love Letters — a curated newsletter for the many ways we love. My name is Fox Eros, and I am a Queer Psychotherapist with a passion for polyamory love and sex-positive conversations. I have never fit into the “normalized” / rigid boxes our culture can push on us… and so it’s become my destiny to uplift those who are defining their authentic Selves. 🌈

In Love Letters, I’ll be offering insights, reflections, practical tools and resources for polyamorous loves and the Therapists who support them. I’ll also be sharing what helps polyamory to feel emotionally safe, how to deepen your relationships to feel secure; and how to navigate this journey that holds potential for immense personal growth. My wish is that you’ll feel that you belong here, with like-minded people who embrace and support your expansive way of being.

Fox’s Polyamory Check-In

I love check-in questions because they center our connection with each other with great intentionality. We get to slow down… and be present for the actual moment. To feel heard and seen… that’s everything.

Please enjoy these questions that you can use alone or with your Partners. And of course, feel free to share this with anyone you know who could use a little inspiration and supportive structure in their polyamory love life.

I recommend doing check-ins weekly if you’re newly opening up, or monthly for more experienced relationships. Sometimes we can get carried away in the day-to-day, and a check-in can help us slow down and reconnect. It can shed light on things that may be beginning to build quietly, reduce resentment; and create more space for closeness, honesty and calm, transparent communication.

And you don’t have to answer every question at once. Choose a few that feel relevant to where you are right now in your relationship, (you can even put your own twist on these and create your own).

Reflection + Growth

1. Polyamory can be a beautiful kind of love rooted in kinship… and yet, feeling chosen is important, too. Why do you choose to be with me?

2. As we continue to evolve within our Selves and our relationship — is polyamory what you imagined it would be? And what did you initially dream it would be like? Are there ways you wish it were different — more of something, less of something?

3. What are some ways you’ve grown personally since practicing polyamory? How do you feel our relationship has grown?

4. What do you genuinely appreciate about me in relation to us practicing polyamory? What do you appreciate about our relationship? Let’s name our strengths, joys and the areas we’d like to continue growing in.

5. What are you most excited about right now? And what are you most afraid of or uncertain about — whether that’s opening up, a new Partner, deepening feelings, an upcoming date… or how I might react to something?

♡ Agreements + Communication

1. How are you feeling about our current Relationship Agreements? Is there anything you’d like to revisit, clarify, or change?

2. What is your definition of consent, and are we practicing in a way that honors your definition? If we’re falling short, or there has been a small or significant rupture… what do you need from me to possibly help repair, rebuild and begin to restore trust?

3. Is there anything I can do to help you feel more seen, heard or understood?

4. Do you ever feel like you have to keep something from me? If so, what makes it feel difficult to share? Do you feel comfortable saying “no”, “maybe” or “I need to think about that” to me? Do you feel you can truly say “no” if you don’t want something? If not, what makes you feel this way and how can we build more trust — so you can give me your true “no”, “maybe” or yes” (which will make our polyamory truly ethical and consent-based).

5. What does emotional safety’ mean to you, and how can I contribute to you feeling emotionally safe and secure in our relationship?

♡ Jealousy + Vulnerability

1. Have you been feeling any insecurities, jealousy, vulnerabilities or worries lately?

2. If we don’t like our Metamours, how can we navigate those feelings with compassion and communication; while also creating boundaries that honor our true feelings?

3. If one of us is dating more often, or developing more intense feelings for someone — how might we navigate that difference together?

♡ Other Partners + Capacity

1. If you’re newly opening up to polyamory, how has our pace been feeling? Is the speed at which we’re opening up feeling manageable, exciting, overwhelming… how would you describe it?

2. How would you like me to support you in your relationships with your other Partners? (And in response to their wishes, be sure to share your true feelings of how you can show up based on your personal boundaries, emotional capacity and preferences). Is there anything you need more of, less of, or something you wish I understood better?

3. How are you currently feeling about the relationships in your life? This can include family, children, friendships, intimate Partners and other meaningful connections. How would you describe your current capacity level… and how would you know if you were reaching your limit?

4. When “New Relationship Energy” (NRE) arises, what is our plan for how we can intentionally stay connected so we can enjoy the excitement, while also tending to our relationship needs.

5. Knowing that I tend to desire more connection with others either sexually, emotionally, intimately, or romantically — how does that impact you? Are there particular kinds, or levels of connection, that feel easier or harder for you to navigate? Is there anything you need from me as I build these connections?

6. What kind of relationship, if any, would you like me to have with your Metamours? What would feel comfortable, supportive or enjoyable for you? If I don’t prefer to have a relationship with your Metas, how can we navigate that with care and compassion so we are not forcing relationships?

7. How do you imagine we will support one another if one of us is going through a breakup with another Partner? If we’ve already been in this situation — what was helpful and what might we want to do differently next time?

♡ Sex + Sexual Health

1. If we’re being physically intimate with others, how do we each define “sex”? Are there any parts of our definition that we should clarify?

2. What are our Agreements around sexual health and STI management? This might include frequency of testing, protection, disclosure, pregnancy prevention and fluid bonding practices.

3. How are we feeling about Agreements around sleepovers or other forms of spending intimate time with our Partners? Do we want to practice any boundaries or ‘rituals of connection’, or taking space — before, during, or after we’ve been sexual with someone else?

4. Are there any other sexual boundaries or non-negotiables we should talk about?

♡ And Finally…

1. What is something you wish I understood about how you’re experiencing polyamory right now?

2. What is something you need from me that you haven’t yet asked for?

3. Is there anything we’ve been avoiding talking about that you think it’s time to gently bring up?

P.S. The goal of a check-in isn’t to necessarily solve “problems.” It’s an opportunity to hold steady while you all practice deep listening and deep curiosity with the intention of truly learning about your Partner’s experience — and then inviting them to do the same for you. This kind of intentional connection expands our humanity and relational skills. It’s beautiful, but it isn’t always easy… and so I must remind you of HOW BRAVE ARE YOU. ♡

Feel free to share this with anyone who may need inspiration & support. ♡

Resource of the Month

My amazing colleague and Mentor, Martha Kauppi (CNM Expert and Sex Therapist), is offering a CNM coaching program for polyamorous people who feel like they could benefit from a little support. It’s a four-week coaching program and you can learn more here.

A Little Invitation for You…

Question: What’s Something You’d Like Me to Explore Next?

I’d love to hear what’s on your heart, what you’re curious about and what you’d like us to explore together. You’re welcome to send me a question or topic you’d love to see in a future Love Letters (just please leave out any identifying details). I’ll keep questions anonymous and may choose one to explore in a future issue.

*A kind reminder: Love Letters is a space for reflection, education and exploration. I’m not able to provide therapy here, personalized clinical advice or responses, but if you are seeking professional therapy, feel free to reach out here.

Sincerely,

Fox Eros, M.A., LMFT
_(she | her | femme)
_Certified in Sex Therapy & CNM Relationships
Lic #161302
foxerosinlove.com